This is something Glenn wrote 14 years ago. Further, Glenn and I are not certified counselors. Often though, God puts us in the paths of couples who are seeking advice about how to “fix” broken aspects of their marriages. Of all the couples involved in all of these conversations, I’m sure we are the couple that has learned the most. Glenn reflected on these lessons learned and made a list from which he will probably one day preach or perhaps he will one day include it in a book. They are not necessarily profound, but they are absolutely true. (They are as true in 2024 as they were in 2010 or in any previous year. They will be true in 3024 if the world stands in another millennium.) The preferable time to think about them and make adjustments is before your marriage is in trouble. Here’s the list:
1. Advisors don’t know what the problem in your marriage really is until they talk to both of you. They will sometimes think they do, but they don’t.
2. You were schooled about how to act in marriage by your parents. You may do better or worse at it than them, but they laid your foundation.
3. Two people who are compatible enough to marry and who will maintain their dedication to obey God above all, will never divorce.
4. Wives, and sometimes husbands, can easily fall into destructive habits of constantly finding fault with their mates. Many spouses have died the death of a thousand cuts.
5. Pornography robs marriage of trust and happiness. If you’re viewing it, beg God to forgive you and do whatever is necessary to stop it.
6. Adultery doesn’t begin in the bedroom. It starts in innocent places with electric conversations and glances.
7. If you think the person you’re having an affair with will always be loyal to you when he was willing to break up your marriage, you’re not very smart at all. You’ll burn your family bridges to marry him (or her) and wake up one morning very miserable for the mess you’ve made of your life.
8. The typical husband is very predictable. He is programmed to respond to a wife who is feminine, gentle, respects him, and pays attention to the marriage bed.
9. Enduring a marriage crisis can make your marriage stronger than it otherwise might have been, if the problems are fixed right–with plain-talking repentance, open communication, and reciprocal warmth that is willing to forgive and move on in the grace of God.
10. Children do not escape the divorce of their parents unscathed. They are generally the ones who suffer most and they generally are better off in a marriage of conflict than in a situation in which divorce has occurred. (I, Cindy, contributed this one. I seem to always end up working more closely with kids involved in divorce. It is the saddest of all the things I do in life.)
