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Marriage

Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Plan Now! Great Smoky Mountain and Ozark Mountain Marriage Retreats

Posted on February 23, 2026

If there’s one thing you learn at a marriage retreat, it is that you don’t generally identify the particular struggles of married people until you get them alone. I mean, it’s not usually in the big sessions or lectures that people open up and ask for help with lost trust, in-law problems, financial mismanagement, or failed leadership. It’s in the private conversations. It’s over the lunch table or in the living room of your hotel suite or on a ride back to an airport. And every effort is made to keep those resources available and find other resources that can help even after the retreat is over. I know Glenn and I are in touch with several couples, in varying capacities, even after we return home. And we pray. We pray for all those who attended (including the Colleys) as we work to try to be stronger in our holy unions before Him and for His glory.

But that doesn’t mean the big sessions are not helping. In fact, I believe almost every conceivable problem found the beginnings of solutions and paths to resolve in the lessons presented to the large groups in these two wonderful retreats. I believe the speakers did much good and I am positive that there were some at both retreats who left with hope–a hope not present when they arrived.

I pray that, even now, you will resolve, if you have not attended one of these, that next year will be your year. You have 12 months to save the money, the time off and arrange the baby-sitting for your presence next year at one of the most restful, yet exhilarating events that will ever bless your marriage. From your marriage comes your own happiness in this life and your joint legacy. From your obedience in marriage comes your best security of eternity together. Happiness, legacy and eternity were all themes of the retreats this year.

You can purchase all the lessons on a USB drive here: https://smokymountainmarriage.com. and be sure and watch this site for all the details about the two retreats for February of next year!

Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

A Little Disaster in every Holiday Mix

Posted on December 11, 2025

It seems there’s always at least a little one. Remember the year the squirrel was climbing the tree on Sunday morning in our living room? (https://thecolleyhouse.org/?s=remembering+Christmas+Past)…Or the year our elderly neighbor reported us to the police because she was sure we were running a meth lab in our little cabin? (https://thecolleyhouse.org/wait-i-thought-you-just-said-a-meth-lab)

This year I sat up in bed at about 1 am, after all our large Thanksgiving crowd had left and asked  “But did you water the tree?”

The day before, we’d been to a tree farm near Florence, Alabama to cut down a huge tree. It was Eliza Jane’s turn to choose (she’s five) and she chose the biggest one she could find. It’s 15 feet tall. When we got home with it, I did my strength training for the year and somehow Glenn and I got that thing off the trailer and in a giant bucket of water, leaning against the garage. I actually held that thing up by myself while Glenn ran to get the truck and back it up against me and the tree, to pin me and that tree up against the wall, until we could get help to get that thing through the big double front doors. Our truck just stayed there till Thanksgiving day. Somehow, by my hardest, I wiggled out and got to the Thanksgiving cooking.

Fast forward to 1 am after all the cooking, the big meal, all the games, a birthday party, 6 pretty wild children keeping us on our toes, and, most importantly, five or six big guys moving that monster tree into the corner of our living room. (That’s what nephews are for!) Fast forward  to 1 am on the night after Thanksgiving. I climbed reluctantly out of bed to go water the tree.  After all, the whole reason I’d stood there in the cold while Glenn backed the truck into me and that tree was so the tree could stand in water. Mammoth trees need water!  “No, I didn’t water it. I thought you would do that.” I got up from that warm bed to go water the tree.

But this is no little tree that just requires you to pour a pitcher of water in a little tree stand. This requires the hose from outside. It requires a big sweatshirt over your Christmas nightshirt. (It’s 20 degrees outside.) It requires going back down to the detached garage to twist the hose off the spigot, and then, a chilly run back up to the kitchen door to re-attach there. It requires a weaving of the hose though an iron gate and through the bushes. It requires going back though the house to unlock the triple antique locks of the front door and then weaving that hose through the furniture and putting the end down in that 20 gallon rubber bucket into which that tree has been tied and attached to rafter and mantel up above. It requires then traipsing back out to turn the water on. I did all those things. By the time I ran back in to watch the bucket fill up, I was frigid. I mean, I was shivering and breathing as if I’d run a 10K. But there was another yet to run.

Water was gushing from the hose…GUSHING…all over the living room floor. That hose had just jumped out of the bucket. No need for me to ever worry about water pressure in case of any fire! I have the water force! All over my pretty rug. All over the wood floors. On the fireplace brick. Later I would find out it was running through the floor joists and into the basement…into the place where I’d just placed all the Halloween decorations and where I stored the unwrapped Christmas gifts. I quickly put that hose in the bucket and sprinted back through the house and into my bathroom, grabbed armloads of towels, and began the largest mopping, sopping 2AM weeping, sweeping expedition of my eventful life!

If you drove by, the next day, and saw that huge crimson 10 by 12 rug thrown over the iron fence just before the iron bowl, just know we weren’t just going with a football theme (although the Tide had already rolled in our living room!)  An oriental rug is heavy already, but soaking wet??…

But the tree is pretty. She smells like she’s alive and she’s drinking at least a gallon a day, for now.

Twas the night after Thanksgiving

When all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring

Not even a mouse.

When in the front room

There arose such a splatter.

I sprang to the lawn

My brain was all scattered.

At the trunk of that tree, then

I fell to the floor

Towels, by bucketfuls,

I squeezed out the door.

From the staircase, the basement

The living room wall

I mopped away, mopped away

Mopped away all.

When I climbed back in bed

At a quarter past four

No one was stirring

Just a soft little snore

Glenn…”Everything good?”

“Yes” I softly said .

But I knew, in the morning,

I had something to dread!

(We did have a talk when the sun came up. “Accidents happen.” He said. “Let’s go see about that rug and I’ll get the big fan. I love that man.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

The Things you Find under the Dryer…

Posted on May 23, 2025

The hot water heater stopped heating my water on Tuesday. We kept waiting for it to heat back up, after our power loss, due to a nearby tornado touch-down on Tuesday night…but it didn’t. Just as my husband and I were about to leave for a short anniversary trip, we came to terms with the fact that the schedule we were facing upon returning was not conducive to the absence of  hot water in our bathrooms (or dishwasher or washing machine).  My man is a handyman par excellence. He is NOT a man who can easily pay someone else to do, while we are gone, what he knows how to do himself. So, of course, we didn’t go. (It was my decision, in view of my schedule, for the record. (It’s podcast week, company week, and a four-day-out-of-town trip week, for me.)

In the process of pulling out the dryer to get to the hot water heater, lots of debris (a.k.a filthiness…and lost socks and tiny toys) emerged from beneath  the dryer. A sealed envelope with two love birds hand-stamped on the front emerged in the pile of dust and miscellanea. I opened the sealed envelope thinking, “I wonder what nice note I failed to give my husband…and on what anniversary?”

The envelope contained the following weeklong checklist I’d prepared for a homeschooling moms’ retreat several years back. It was a list I needed to see  while watching my husband laboriously removing that mammoth water heater from that small laundry hall, while I was working like crazy, too, and  bemoaning the fact that I was home rather than in the Westin, where we had planned to be that night. Maybe someone else needs the list, too.

Here’s the handout the ladies all received that year in their own sealed envelopes. Of course, this list is adaptable to all Christian families, homeschooling, or not.

For your faithful provider:

Pick a week in each month and complete the following: Then start over and pick a week next month. Fill your year with gratitude and respect for this man  who makes your homeschool possible: 

Massage Monday–Massage night. You’ve got this. Just five minutes while you thank him for making your home school possible. 

Text Tuesday–Text him, out of the blue, about how your world is better because he is a faithful provider. 

Wisdom Wednesday–Wisdom WonderMan. On the way to Bible class, thank him for trying so hard to be a wise spiritual leader. Then at Family Bible Time, have each child thank God for a wise dad who makes good decisions for your family. 

Thanking Thursday–Thank God. Spend five minutes in prayer while the kids are napping or working. Spend the whole five minutes thanking God for various attributes in that man that are good and praying about the ones that are challenging. 

Fix-up Friday–Fix-up day. Do casual Friday, but still make it a make-up day or a good-hair day. Think about three things you love about your husband’s appearance and tell him throughout the day, even if you have to text him. 

Suggestive Saturday–Suggestive day. Say or do one sexually suggestive thing. This will make his week-end. I know you can think of something he would love!

Servant Sunday–Servant day. Have each child think of one special thing he/she can do for Dad that day, and help him accomplish it. Coffee in bed. Brag on his sermon, if he is a preacher. New socks in his drawer. Money out of piggy banks for a milkshake on the way home from Sunday night services. Teens should write notes of appreciation or send a meme or GIF that says as much. Give dad a baseball that has a sweet note about how he’s the MVP (Most Valuable Parent) in the child’s world. Girls can ask dad for a breakfast date on Monday morning. Just be creative!

 

 

Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Twice the Bride in One Week

Posted on June 6, 2024

A few weeks ago, Glenn and I found ourselves sitting across the table, at a fellowship meal, from two young adults from Kenya, Africa, who’d been visiting our services.  Sister Eileen was the one who had made sure these visitors had everything needed, she’d obtained their contact information, made sure they met other Christians and always had a place beside her to sit. She’s always like that to everyone and I love her for that. Elvis and Caroline came to love and trust her. 

In our conversation with them that day, Glenn and I learned that they were yet unmarried, had come together from Kenya for nursing school (for Elvis), and had come with funding from a sponsor in Kenya. This donor, however,  had recently died and the funding for their living had been discontinued. We also learned that they ware not members of the body of Christ. I asked them if they would study about the church with us and they agreed to do that for the next several weeks, during the Bible class hour. 

But something wonderful happened and I got involved in another study during that same hour. Glenn studied with Elvis and Caroline each week and they had great questions. Each week they sat in worship with Mrs. Eileen and one Sunday last month they were both baptized into Christ. Four days later, they were married in a sweet ceremony, surrounded by Mrs. Eileen, Mrs. Debbie, Glenn and me, and a few other Christian couples. Kat bought a cake and some flowers and fruit and we had a tiny little reception in room 119. Kathryn made pictures and James and Jessica took them to dinner after the wedding. It was a huge wedding dinner at Rosies’s  and almost everyone at the wedding ended up at that table. The best day of their lives was just prior to the second-best day. They fully committed to Christ and, four days later, they fully committed to each other. The new bride (and groom) became a part of the wonderful bride of Christ almost simultaneously! 

I saw Elvis sitting down and filling out employment papers with one of our good brethren on Sunday night in another classroom. I guess, as they walk through the building, they must think “This is the room where we learned truth.”…”This is the room where we put on Christ,” …’Here’s the place where we were married,”…”Here’s our reception ‘hall’,”…”And here is where Elvis gained summer employment, to fund his education.” I love the synergy. 

Most of all, I love the Lord. He could have just told us how to individually respond to His will and how to make it to heaven in a path of solitude. But in His great wisdom, he gave us the church: the body, the family, the house of God, the kingdom. It’s a wonderful worldwide affiliate of obedient believers and it’s the wellspring of encouragement, connection and fellowship for every family member. It is a foundational belonging that the Christian experiences wherever she finds the church of Jesus. In short, the church is His wisdom magnified in our everyday lives. 

Here’s Elvis and Caroline on their wedding night. I know the readers of this blog and I know some of you will want to write them a note of welcoming encouragement. Caroline and Elvis gave me permission to introduce them to you. Caroline will love having a connection to some sisters in other congregations and areas. You can write them here. Let’s say a big “The churches of Christ salute you!” to Elvis and Caroline.

Elvis and Caroline 

℅ West Huntsville church of Christ

1509 Old Monrovia Road NW

Huntsville, AL. 35806

Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Matthew 19:9: The Clear Exception

Posted on February 13, 2024

In response to the previous article, there’s been a lot of discussion about whether or not Matthew 19:9 really does give us one situation in which an innocent spouse can divorce and remarry with the full blessing of God. I see no way around the passage.  The clause “except it be for fornication” is there for a reason and does not conflict with all the other passages that explicitly state, in various wordings, that marriage is for life. That’s why the exception clause is there. It’s there because marriage is holy and sanctified. Marriage is for life and the one who breaks that vow in fornication has trodden on the most sacred human-to-human vow. He or she (the one who has fornicated) can certainly be forgiven and restored to favor in every situation. He or she can and must be forgiven when penitent. In fact the forgiver(s) will be overjoyed at the penitence. But the restoration to position in the violated home is clearly the one place where the injured spouse is left in a decision-making place. I suggest that the injured spouse is the one human who can discern what is best for the holiness of his/her home at this juncture. 

It has been argued that the penitent spouse is often spurned by the church; but, conversely, I have seen the penitent spouse welcomed back into the body with open arms on MANY occasions. The family of God, is ready, willing, praying to be able to forgive. We want that! But forgiveness has never been the same as restoration to position. It is just not the same. The forgiven child molester will not be placed in the preschool again. The forgiven drug dealer and addict will not be hired as the pharmacist. The convicted, but forgiven perjurer/forger will not be the FBI agent again. God allows restoration in the home, but he does not demand it. He demands forgiveness and the Christian wife longs to forgive and have the trust she once had or at least thought she had. But the passage is clear. She gets to discern and decide about the restoration. She often has innocent souls to consider and she alone can look at the past patterns of insincere (or sincere) penitence as she decides.  Many times, the forgiveness and restoration has occurred on multiple occasions and children are suffering. It’s interesting to think about the cycle of lying, fornication, hurt to children, etc…that could prevail in the life of a married man who is a womanizer, for instance, if there were never the Scriptural ability to stop the cycle of injury/restoration. Restoration without some extended consequences snd rehabilitation is enabling the addiction. 

We cannot take the liberty that is expressly given in this passage away from the innocent spouse. Christ’s words do not negate the passages which state that marriage is a life-long bond. But he does give one exception. That exception does not have to be mentioned each time the life-long nature of the bond is emphasized. 

Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Guest Writer: Glenn Colley–Ten Truths about Marriage

Posted on February 9, 2024

This is something Glenn wrote 14 years ago. Further, Glenn and I are not certified counselors. Often though, God puts us in the paths of couples who are seeking advice about how to “fix” broken aspects of their marriages. Of all the couples involved in all of these conversations, I’m sure we are the couple that has learned the most. Glenn reflected on these lessons learned and made a list from which he will probably one day preach or perhaps he will one day include it in a book. They are not necessarily profound, but they are absolutely true. (They are as true in 2024 as they were in 2010 or in any previous year. They will be true in 3024 if the world stands in another millennium.) The preferable time to think about them and make adjustments is before your marriage is in trouble. Here’s the list:

1. Advisors don’t know what the problem in your marriage really is until they talk to both of you. They will sometimes think they do, but they don’t.

2. You were schooled about how to act in marriage by your parents. You may do better or worse at it than them, but they laid your foundation.

3. Two people who are compatible enough to marry and who will maintain their dedication to obey God above all, will never divorce.

4. Wives, and sometimes husbands, can easily fall into destructive habits of constantly finding fault with their mates. Many spouses have died the death of a thousand cuts.

5. Pornography robs marriage of trust and happiness. If you’re viewing it, beg God to forgive you and do whatever is necessary to stop it.

6. Adultery doesn’t begin in the bedroom. It starts in innocent places with electric conversations and glances.

7. If you think the person you’re having an affair with will always be loyal to you when he was willing to break up your marriage, you’re not very smart at all. You’ll burn your family bridges to marry him (or her) and wake up one morning very miserable for the mess you’ve made of your life.

8. The typical husband is very predictable. He is programmed to respond to a wife who is feminine, gentle, respects him, and pays attention to the marriage bed.

9. Enduring a marriage crisis can make your marriage stronger than it otherwise might have been, if the problems are fixed right–with plain-talking repentance, open communication, and reciprocal warmth that is willing to forgive and move on in the grace of God.

10. Children do not escape the divorce of their parents unscathed. They are generally the ones who suffer most and they generally are better off in a marriage of conflict than in a situation in which divorce has occurred. (I, Cindy, contributed this one. I seem to always end up working more closely with kids involved in divorce. It is the saddest of all the things I do in life.)