Sister to Sister: Lessons from the Hooding

If calendars and clocks did not prove me wrong, I would assert that surely the progression of days and weeks has sharply accelerated this spring. Thus, trying to keep battling time limitations and commitments from undoing me, I, while knowing that big things were happening at the Colley house this weekend, failed to connect the dots in my mind that these huge parental events–large maternal milestones–were actually happening on Mother’s day weekend. It was serendipity for me when that light bulb came on! “This is Mother’s day and how could any weekend be sweeter than this!”

Last Thursday climaxed in our living room as both sides of the most important member of the family, Baby G, learned that he is indeed a “he”. The cake was blue, the Hershey bars with the two initial letters H-E painted blue on the wrappers were distributed to “Team Blue”, the blue handmade Victorian romper that had been worn by three generations was conveyed to this new generation, and the celebration was on. A few hours and very little sleep later, we were off, in convoy, with Caleb, who had driven all the way from Columbia, SC to be with us as we learned our baby’s gender, to…you guessed it…Columbia, SC to the Koger Center to watch as Caleb officially became a PhD. What’s 19 hours of driving back and forth to Columbia when you can wear a plastic mustache in celebration of a blue cake?…right Caleb?

 But this commencement exercise at USC was my first experience at a doctoral hooding. It was nothing like a high school graduation. The mood on Saturday was dignified, almost somber. A four piece band played as we awaited the processional and during the entirety of the doctoral awards, a beautiful string quartet played classical music. Each time a name was called, both graduating student and the director of his or her dissertation proceeded to center stage where both dean and director placed respective ends of the hood over the head of the student who, at that moment, it was pointed out, was no longer student to the attending professor, but, in all respects, colleague.

I learned several things as I sat there taking in the milestone moment. I know that moms who are reading fully understand that big moments in your children’s lives, no matter if they are three or thirty years old, are milestones in your own lives. Truth be told, I expect that most red-letter-days in my life, from now on, will be the important days in the lives of children and grandchildren. Here are some reflections I’m taking away:

1. Less than one percent of the American population receive terminal degrees. That’s trivia that I simply never before had heard.
2. The University of South Carolina, in five graduation ceremonies, had conferred degrees on seven thousand students over the weekend. Through the years Caleb was on that campus, I am not sure his father and I had really thought about the vastness of his environment. It must have been difficult to measure or appreciate any influence for God in such a large and secular environment.
3. Caleb actually finished the philosophy program in the shortest time of any student in the history of that program at USC. Now I need to look up the age of the philosophy program at the university, but, until I do, I, as his mom, am going to go on thinking that is amazing.
4. When the hood was situated on his shoulders and he was proceeding to shake hands with the president and deans as he exited the stage, Glenn leaned over and whispered in my ear, “This feels exactly the same as it felt when he graduated kindergarten. You don’t become any more proud of your kids as the stakes get higher.” It’s true. You travel farther. It costs more. It takes more late night and lots more professors. But the love and pride you have when they come into this world is so big that you cannot grow it. But neither can we imagine it ever diminishing.

5. Character is far more important to success than is intelligence. Perhaps we should have been a bit disappointed when Caleb’s program director, Dr. Hackett, told us that he’s not the smartest student in the program. But what he said next was the biggest blessing of the day. “We have some extremely bright students, but they tend to be arrogant. Your son is not arrogant and his work ethic makes him the leader of the class. The other students look to his character to know how to behave in the philosophy department. Character is far more important than intelligence. We will very much miss him.” While I cannot take any credit, this assessment of Caleb meant far more to me than the hood, the diploma, or any career path that may lie ahead. It is not by any works of which I could boast, but by the Father’s mercies and because of His Word that this description is accurate. I am extremely grateful to Him for this son and for The Son who has redeemed Him and is now using him to His glory. I pray that  He will choose for Him now and always His brightest paths of service. I pray that, in His heart, character will always far and away eclipse intelligence.