I’m very excited to tell you about a brand new book that I believe can make a big and positive difference for the future of the church. Granted, I’m very close to the author and possible biases could be enhancing the way I view this book. But I don’t think so. I’m just one mom who has raised two kids in an era in which there has been a dearth of leadership in many congregations of the body. Often the biblically unqualified have been appointed to lead congregations. Many times, elders have failed to lead in important moral and doctrinal areas and many have abandoned the New Testament pattern for church discipline altogether. But, for my future grandchildren, I am counting on the boys of today stepping to the plate as men and rescuing their local congregations from this leadership crisis. I’ve read this book and I have seen no better tool for building the kinds of elderships that we so desperately need. While not every boy who studies this book will become an elder, it’s my opinion that all who study with interest will be better leaders, better husbands, better dads and better brothers in Him. How can our churches fail to immensely benefit from this study? Here’s an excerpt from chapter three. The chapter is entitled “He’s a Terrific Husband.” This is just a sample of what you will find. The best part, in my judgment, is the section in each chapter which facilitates discussion. The next best part is the section at the end of the book that gives our boys practical projects that will enable them to develop the character needed to lead God’s body today. Now, for the quote:
Live morally so you will be the best kind of husband.
There are advantages to saving yourself sexually for only one woman. First, it is unfair to come to the marriage bed with experience from other women with whom you will compare your wife. This problem will continue to increase with the number of sexual experiences a young man had prior to marriage, so even if you no longer can be a virgin when you marry, you should repent of your past fornication and become morally pure now to limit the damage (1 Corinthians 6:18). Second, the most intimate physical act between a man and woman can be kept very special and can be shared by you and your wife only. A man who has various sexual partners will never know the same intimacy as a man who, throughout his lifetime, has only one. And third, if you save yourself for your wife, you won’t have to live with the guilt or with the fear that she will ask you personal questions about this later.
You must avoid pornography altogether. Consider that “husband of one wife” can mean more than just the fact that you are not married to two women. It can also mean that you keep your heart and eyes for only one. The fulfillment of your sexuality is reserved for your wife only (1 Corinthians 7:1-6). Pornography for a man is as addictive as any drug I’ve ever seen. It is a magnet to his eyes and will thrill him and destroy him at the same time. It will fascinate and then assassinate. It is a sin. Here’s what Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).
Pornography is like a drug in these ways:
1. It loses potency over time.The drug that gives a man a “high” today will eventually become ineffective and it will take different and stronger drugs to achieve the same high. So it is with pornography. More subtle porn sends electricity through a guy’s brain, but it won’t take too much time before he will crave harder, more deviant porn.
2. It is addictive. A man can’t easily say, “Life isn’t as good when I’m taking these drugs so I believe I’ll just not use them anymore.” Why is that so hard? Because drugs are addictive. So is porn. I’ve known many men who simply hated the day they first started looking at naked women on line or in magazines. But stopping is difficult. Strong, grown, Christian men have to have help to quit this addictive habit. Pornography affects the way a boy or man thinks.
3. It will destroy everything that really matters in your life.Illegal drugs affect your brain. People mean less and less to you, until you sacrifice old and good relationships—even with family—because of the effects of your drug use. So it is with porn. In Christian homes it shocks, hurts, and worries parents who discover their son’s use. In marriage, the foundation, which is trust, is rocked to the core and sometimes destroyed. It just isn’t in a normal wife’s psyche to tolerate a husband who looks at her and looks at other women at the same time.
You may never have viewed pornography, but you probably will encounter it at some point. You don’t have to go looking for it. It will come looking for you.
You may already be secretly viewing pornography online. You must ask God to forgive you and stop doing it immediately. If you go back to it after repenting, find a respected Christian man you can talk to about the sin. Ask him to question you every time he sees you, “Are you still clean from the sin of pornography?” to hold you accountable. Breaking this sinful habit may be harder than you think, but you can do it! Read slowly and deliberately the words of Solomon:
My son, keep your father’s command,
And do not forsake the law of your mother.
Bind them continually upon your heart;
Tie them around your neck.
When you roam, they will lead you;
When you sleep, they will keep you;
And when you awake, they will speak with you.
For the commandment is a lamp,
And the law a light;
Reproofs of instruction are the way of life,
To keep you from the evil woman,
From the flattering tongue of a seductress.
Do not lust after her beauty in your heart,
Nor let her allure you with her eyelids.
For by means of a harlot
A man is reduced to a crust of bread;
And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.
Can a man take fire to his bosom,
And his clothes not be burned?
Can one walk on hot coals,
And his feet not be seared?
So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
Whoever touches her shall not be innocent.
People do not despise a thief
If he steals to satisfy himself when he is starving.
Yet when he is found, he must restore sevenfold;
He may have to give up all the substance of his house.
Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;
He who does so destroys his own soul.
Wounds and dishonor he will get,
And his reproach will not be wiped away.
For jealousy is a husband’s fury;
Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
He will accept no recompense,
Nor will he be appeased though you give many gifts.
The book is Headed to the Office by Glenn Colley. It’s available now at Colley Books.