It’s very painful when I frequently hear of young girls—girls who have become influential in lots of good ways for the kingdom—walking away from that influence, even reversing it, while stepping into the deathly entrapment of the devil. He (Satan) is so very good at what he does. He’s diligent and subversive; a master of deceit. In fact, he is the original ancestor of every lie. He makes girls question the validity of the things that have been diligently placed in their hearts from young ages. Then he loves to put into place, in new jobs, school situations, and friend groups, people who stroke the ego while presenting rebellion as deserved “self-awareness and authenticity.” He makes the girls devalue or trivialize the soul and the eternal, instead placing an emphasis on their own intelligence and self fulfillment. While he is doing this in the mind, he is doing other things in the body—creating addictions to sex, to alcohol, to drugs, to gaming, to drugs, etc…. This replacement of the pure heavenward focus diminishes, often permanently, the propensity in the young life for spiritual recovery. The devil gets his hook in. Somewhere in the back of her mind, his victim thinks, “I can fix all this later. I’m so young and there is plenty of time. For now, I can feel secure in these decisions…. I feel loved by this guy…. I feel stabilized by this job…. I feel like I am finally doing something I want to do… I need to experience some normal things,” etc…etc…. So many Bible characters come to mind as I think about this mentality—Dinah (Genesis 34) , Samson , (Judges 14), the prodigal of Luke 15.
Recently Kelli came back from wondering outside the house of her Father.I’ve been praising God for this return. She’s in her mid-thirties now and she is a very faithful member of the kingdom. Recently, when I was asked to speak to teen girls about the sad journey many “princesses” are making away from the “palace” of God, I asked Kelli to write something to these girls; a letter that would make them know the seriousness of leaving and emphasize the difficult, but oh-so-blessed way back. I love Kelli for many things, I especially love her for the heart she has now for souls, and the gratitude she has to the Father for giving her time and grace to be back in the safe place that is His eternal kingdom. I love my Father for the long-suffering that waits (1 Peter 3:20).
Here’s her letter. Each time I read it, someone asks for a copy. I’m putting it here, so you can use it for any wandering prodigal you may know. Any one soul brought back is worth more than the whole entropic world and its temporal contents.
To my fellow princesses,
I am writing as one who has recently returned to the King’s palace after being gone far too long. I never planned to leave; I didn’t make one big decision and storm out dramatically. Like many of you, I grew up in the church pew every time the doors were open. Church camp, Bible bowl trophies, Summer Youth Series, eventually a Christian college- I looked like a good princess safe in the palace. My guard was down because all these things came easily to me. I was good at being good.
When I got my first job as a teenager I started getting to know people who had never been to the palace that was so familiar to me. They didn’t understand some of my behaviors and I was curious about theirs. They were having fun doing things I had only heard about or seen in movies. It was exciting to rebel. One at a time I started replacing kingdom friends and activities with worldly friends and activities. A double life was forming. I’d still put on my princess crown on Sundays and Wednesdays but it got less enjoyable being in the palace. I was uncomfortable around others in the kingdom because I was hiding so much; I knew I didn’t belong to the King anymore.
Everything that started out fun and exciting became less so over the months and years. I had to keep going further from the palace to get that same feeling as in the beginning. I would still slide into the palace to make appearances and convince everyone I’m fine, but anything beyond one hour a week didn’t fit my new life. I had gone from being a princess to “I can’t be a good princess so I’ll just be a good person” to now “well, I’m not the worst person.”
Luckily my conscience had been trained before all this happened so I knew right from wrong and knew I was choosing wrong. It got hard to look people in the eye or look at myself in the mirror. Occasionally I would feel pricked in the heart and repent and try to return to the palace. It would last until I did one of the “big sins” and I’d be gone again, telling myself I don’t belong with the other princesses and certainly not with the King. The more this happened the harder it got to come back.
In 2023 I got sick and tired of living the double life. I had lost my identity, my true sense of who I was in the world; I didn’t respect who I saw or what I was doing. I knew deep down that my heart’s desire was to return to my Father’s table but I felt so far away and so unworthy, I didn’t know if that was possible. I didn’t want to try again just to fail again. I decided I’d start making small changes, baby steps back to the palace. I was ending bad friendships and breaking habits; I changed jobs and moved to the next town over for a fresh start. Things were looking up but I could not re-enter the palace yet. I still had one hurdle: I had to face my Father again after hiding for much of the last ten years.
I’ll pause the story here and tell you the smartest thing I did while I was away from the kingdom was keeping in touch with a few kingdom friends. They were long distance and didn’t know what all was happening so that made it less intimidating to keep a casual friendship over time. They remained the link between the life I was living and the life I was called to live. My advice: find 2 kingdom friends: one who is roughly your age and can go through daily life with you, and one who is older and represents who you want to be in 10-20 years. You will always need someone walking beside you and someone walking ahead showing you the way.
One day in a rare moment of vulnerability, I told one of these friends I’m not doing so well spiritually and she told me she was going to pray for me. A few months went by while I still could not face my shame head-on. This was probably the loneliest time. I had a rearview mirror full of broken relationships and was inching toward the palace alone, knowing I want a seat at the table but knowing the Father owes me nothing. For about a month I threw myself into Psalm 51 and Luke 15. David’s confession and repentance became my daily prayer. The prodigal son’s welcome home from the Father transitioned from being a far-away dream to the belief that not only is it possible for me, but it’s the Father’s strongest desire for me. Every day, every year He had been watching, waiting for me to come home. This is the invitation He gives to you and me anytime we stray: Just come home.
Around this time, previously mentioned friend asked for an update. I reported that I wanted to make things right but I was too afraid of failing again. She told me, in essence, stop waiting and die trying. This was the nudge I needed. I thought of David and the prodigal, both pretty good at messing up but both willing to die trying. Both received back by a loving, compassionate father. Both forgiven and able to stand before the throne of God blameless. I went to the Father, repented and confessed all, and was graciously forgiven. I was restored to the local congregation and God restored unto me the joy of His salvation. I have a seat at His table again.
I wish I had never left the palace. I thought I was going out for a little fun and now I have memories I don’t want, stories I hope never resurface, and struggles I may not be free of in this lifetime. I hurt people who cared about me. I wasted years I should have been serving the King. I may have led others to believe it was okay to live with one foot in and one foot out. At any time I could have died outside the palace and been separated from my Father forever.
I hope you never leave. I hope you love God and stay by His side all of your days. But if you find yourself outside the palace, believe with your whole heart that God wants you back, no matter where you have been. Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
One of my grandchildren had committed an infraction and was not sorry for disobeying. Her mom sent her to bed and said “Tonight you can just go on to bed and I will not be in there to tuck you in, since you are not sorry.” She responded “I’m sorry I’m not sorry.”
I’m thankful that when I’m living hard and fast, there are markers all along the way that teach, remind and correct me toward the big goal at the end of all the craziness.
Sweet little Maggie. Every night she prays that she can be like Jesus. I’m glad that our “regular” playground was closed. I’m glad she had a chance to tell Allie to “come on.” I’m glad I had the chance, in her hearing, to invite Allie’s mom to “come on” and study the Scriptures. I hope she learned that day that being like Jesus sometimes means talking about Him even when we find ourselves in the “wrong playground.”
Recently, during Bible time, our son, Caleb asked Maggie, who’s two “Who should we pray for tonight?” Maggie named some people whom she thought needed prayer. Caleb, listing all those she had suggested, said “Great. Let’s pray for them. Those are some good ones.”
I hope she can internalize, remember and practically translate from thought to action all these little, but very BIG, truths she’s learning at the hands of Deuteronomy 6 parents. If she can, she’ll be ready for a great go at the Christian life…the abundant life (John 10:10). She will be effective in prayer, compassionate, and a winner of souls.
Five-year-old Ezra is concerned, lately, about every death. (We all should be a lot more thoughtful about the appointment with death and judgment that 100% of us will keep!) He’s especially concerned about whether or not people who’ve died have gone to be with God. Recently, his parents visited Mount Airy, North Carolina, the home of Andy Griffith and the model town for the fictional town of Mayberry. As they were telling Ezra about going to Floyd’s Barber Shop and the drugstore and the Sheriff’s Office, He asked them “Did you see Andy Griffith?”
