Parenting

Sometimes when you get to be advanced in age, like I am, you are overcome with  sentimentality on random days. Today was that day and I want to journal the memory, so it can actually be one—a memory. (Lots of my memories have disintegrated into lack of the same.) Glenn and I are utterly exhausted. We have done back to back out-of-state speaking engagements and, meanwhile, had a big group of company in between and our local fall seminar at West Huntsville was also squeezed in there. We got in Friday night and it was Ezra’s regular Friday night appointment to sleep at Mammy’s house. He does not forget when it’s his turn! 

His routine includes a couple of Cosby episodes with popcorn before bed. This time, we’d been out of town (and it was Colleyanna’s turn to travel with us, which made Ezra all the more at the ready for his Friday visit. (I remember what it was like to be a child, sans siblings at my grandparents’ house!…kind of like a promotion from the regular and mundane to the rare and memorable; from just being one peripheral one of four to being the center of attention.)

Ezra begged for another episode of Cosby before going to bed. I made a deal with him that if he’d go to bed without complaining, we’d watch two episodes together in the morning. SO this morning, after the two episodes of Cosby, he begged and begged for more. Now obviously, post-trip, there’s lots and lots of laundry, unpacking, and there are 123987645  gifts, this time of year, to be secured and wrapped, and I was going to be attending a funeral in the afternoon. I said “No, not this time. Papa needs to run you back home and I will be over there tonight to stay with you kids while Mama goes to do something with some ladies from church.” 

Then the begging intensified and I found out it really wasn’t about Cosby. If I can just stay here, I will help you do your work. I’ll do anything you ask me to do without complaining.” 

And he did. He sorted socks, cleaned tubs and toilets, made a bed, and delivered a package to our cabin guest….And he really did do it all without complaining. After each job, we took a break and he studied for Bible Bowl, which is tomorrow. (Thanks, Cody, for the digital flash cards! They are a game-changer!) After a couple of hours, I sent him to his house to get clothes for the funeral, since he was all about going to that with me, too. 

Upon returning, he showed me the clothes. “Those are great. Perfect!” I said.

“I wish I had a coat to go with these pants, but I don’t have one.” 

Assuming he meant that he didn’t bring one, because it was too cumbersome to bike back while carrying a dress jacket, I said “Well, we can stop by and get you one.” 

“You mean you would actually do that for me?!”

“Well, of course. It just takes a second to stop by your house,” I said. 

Ezra responded, “Oh, well. We don’t need to stop there. Mama already told me I don’t have any dress coat that fits. I thought you meant…well…nevermind.”

I understood then. “Oh,” I said…”You thought I meant we would stop and buy a coat?”

“Yeah, but that’s okay. I misunderstood.”

“Tell you what,..” I said. “…Let me hurry and get ready for the funeral and we’ll see if we have time to stop at the store and look for a coat. Every man needs at least one dress coat.” 

When we finally got in the car, he said “What store are we going to?” I replied that, since we were in a hurry, we might just go to Belk. I explained that I love to go to my consignment stores, but since we were so short on time, we might need to check at a store that would surely have his size and a few from which to choose.”Plus…I have a gift card.”

“Belk…” he said. “Is Belk one of those stores that has those kind of floors that are so, so shiny?…Like so shiny that you can almost see yourself in the floor? I love those kinds of stores!”

I remembered the marble tile on the main floor of Belk at Bridge Street and told him I thought so. 

I stopped on the way to get Ezra some chicken nuggets for lunch. As Ezra prayed before eating he thanked God for the day and the food and then he said “Thank you that we get to go to a funeral…” Then there was a very long pause before he said “In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

As he opened his nuggets, he said “I just could not think of what to say to God about a funeral.” I almost said “Help it to be sad, but that didn’t sound right.” I realized that Ezra was starting to grasp the sensibility that almost all of us have about death and dying. We just don’t know what to say to those who are walking though the valley of the shadow of death. 

Once in the store, we really did have to hurry, but I had no idea how very interested Ezra is in clothes. He said, “I have never seen so many clothes in one giant store!” And he had to stop at multiple racks and exclaim over how much he loved a camouflage vest or a black running suit. He has never really expressed to me that he had any clothing preferences. I was so surprised that he actually has his own taste in clothing. He’s always been so happy with whatever I, or others, have given him, that I did not know he had preferences. I also marveled that he’s 10   years old and obviously has been shopping for his clothing…like never. His mama has three young ones and she rarely buys it if it cannot be ordered online….Belk may as well have been Bergdorf Goodman or Saks 5th Avenue in New York. And when we got to the coats, he immediately gravitated to the Brooks Brothers coats. “‘These are just like Papa’s. Can I get this one?” He even had criteria—like an inside pocket and a pocket square in the chest                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      pocket.

Thirty minutes later, we were standing behind the SUV cutting tags off his new funeral coat (Needless to say, it was not the $225.00 Brooks Brothers coat that made it to our car!  How can anyone pay that much for any piece of clothing that will literally seem to be shrinking between Sundays?) There I stood, watching a youtube tutorial about how to tie a boy’s tie. Failing at my attempts, I said, “We’ll just get Papa to tie it when we get to the building.” 

“Oh, Papa will be there?”

“Yes, since he is preaching at the funeral, he will be there.” 

“Could you please see if you could learn to tie it, then? I kind of want to have it on, already, when I see Papa.” Of course, I took a closer look at the tutorial and mastered the Oriental knot in the church parking lot at 1:58 pm. He couldn’t wait to find Papa when the funeral was over. 

Just before the closing prayer, Ezra leaned over and whispere4d, “Is it rude to play when this is over? I see Clark is over there. Is it rude if we play?”

As I finish writing, it’s now Sunday night. That sports coat has barely been off the boy’s back since we bought it. He wore it to the funeral. He wore it to worship this morning. He wore it to Bible bowl this afternoon (although he was the only person in the building with a coat and tie on) and  he wore it to worship again tonight. I think when we made him pull it off for eating salsa at lunchtime, was the only time it got left in the car. 

Clark and Ezra took the first and second spots respectively in their age division at this area-wide Bible bowl. I’d rather them win a Bible bowl competition than a spot on the U.S. Olympic team. I pray they are internalizing every word and that they are getting better and better at applying the concepts from the Word. I pray that Ezra will always have friends like Clark and Luke and Miles and Elijah and Caleb and Cam. Almost every single West Huntsville kid made it to the buzzer round  and almost every 1st place winner was from West Huntsville.

While I know there are lots of other area churches with great kids and great parents, I am so thankful for the ones that are influencing our grandchildren in this formative season. Yesterday, one of the kids in the youth group called me over to ask me for a book recommendation for someone at work, with whom she is studying on a particular Bible topic. Another was mentioned to me by a parent in Texas as being a bright light in her daughter’s life through a camp they both attended. Yet another little duo lost their baby brother this year and, still, together, they made their way to the stage for their blue Bible bowl ribbons. (I think some families know exactly how to bring kids through the dark days!) Some of the youth group members are official Diggers and all of them are digging in the word. And one of them made his way to the stage, three times, in a new navy coat with a pocket square and a new red plaid tie. I’m so thankful for all of them!

And IS it rude to play when a funeral concludes? Asking for a young friend….