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About Husbands and Wives: One Thing is Clear.

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WE ARE DIFFERENT!  The one thing that God saw that was not good at the end of His creation of this universe was a man –alone. Woman was created to fill a void. She was the missing piece of the universe puzzle and the blank space where the puzzle piece neatly fit was beside man.  She was shaped, physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually to “match” the empty puzzle space and fit neatly in the void space beside the man.  The very purpose of woman’s creation demanded that she be different from man.
    But you aren’t reading this  to learn that we are different.  You don’t have to major in human anatomy to know that we are physically different.  God’s purpose in designing our bodies for sexual fulfillment and varying parenting roles is obvious and wonderful.  But the difference is far more than a physical one.  We think differently.  For the past twenty years you’ve been hearing how women are from Venus and men are from Mars.  Although the difference in the sexes is not a planetary difference, it was an intentional difference planned, ordered and perfected by the planet maker.  Scientific research in recent years has confirmed that because of neurological differences, men are more logical  while women are more emotional in their thinking processes. But married people didn’t need scientific research to point this out.   While we paint with a broad brush, we understand that generally men tend to examine evidence and make decisions based on the facts: A is true. B is true.  Thus we should follow course C.
    Their wives can understand the logic.  They know that A and B are true.  They understand that choice C only follows.  But choice C doesn’t feel right.  It is likely to hurt someone’s feelings and “I just don’t feel good about C.”  Emotion trumps logic in a woman’s psyche.
    His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9).  His book, although very emotional, is logic based.  It is about an understandable and flawless plan, the scheme of redemption, to answer man’s desperate need for salvation from sin.   Husbands, as spiritual leaders should be drawn to the logic of God’s plan of salvation, while wives are the gentle leaders of the fragile souls of children in that vast plan. I don’t have to understand why God made us to think differently. I don’t have to understand why He assigned us different roles in the home.  But it is fascinating when I see the connection.
    Another difference is the ability of men to see the big picture…to focus on long-term goals, while women are masters of detail.  That is why when Glenn and Cindy Colley write a book together about marriage, Glenn maps out the chapter titles, and, in his writing, gets straight to the logical point from scripture. Cindy, on the other hand, (the slow-moving hour hand) takes forever, poring over illustrations and poems and details of wording.  The differences in our academic make-up produces many varied practical differences in our day to day living…differences that make us complete and whole as one (Genesis 2:24) in the marriage union.
      Perhaps one of the most formidable practical challenges in marriage comes from our tasking differences.  Men are focused creatures.  They tend to think only about one thing at the time, while women are capable of multi-tasking.  I’ve read this in books, but I didn’t need a psychologist to inform me of this glaring difference.  Women, generally, should learn to save their breath during the football game, for instance.  When it’s Saturday night and Glenn is working on the Sunday sermon, it’s not a good time to ask which shoes are better with the blue dress.  Focus is the key word when it comes to accomplishing tasks in a man’s world.
    Women are multi-taskers. I can cook supper, while working on a math problem with a middle-schooler at the kitchen counter, while feeding the dog, answering the door, reading a recipe to a friend on the phone, and addressing an envelope.  I often talk to two people on two different phone lines while I talk to two or three people in the room with me and collect a package from the UPS man at the door.  It’s just the way God made us.  Since we are the “detailers” in the home, this ability to multi-task is a great blessing!  Of course, we must  challenge ourselves to focus when it’s important to focus.  We can plan tomorrow’s menu, rehearse a conversation we plan to have with the PTA president, plan the wardrobe for the trip next week, and make a mental grocery list being sexual with our husbands. But we shouldn’t.  We can take note of Susan’s new haircut, wonder why Sister Slayden is wearing that short-sleeved dress in the dead of winter, think about whether or not we brought the coupons for the restaurant, and decide who the new elders should be—all while we sing “Take time to be Holy”, but we shouldn’t!
    The differences are not subtle.  They are fundamental and manifest themselves in obvious and practical ways.  The differences are huge obstacles to the modern feminist.  But to the Christian couple, seeking fulfillment in God’s grand scheme, the differences are dramatic displays of God’s wisdom.  He made us.  He gifted our bodies and minds with the optimum capacities to operate in the roles He assigned.  If we determine to do marriage His way, the Great Designer merges our different natures to provide a oneness that elevates our marriages to be the most fulfilling of all human relationships.  We can live in the very foyer of heaven itself!

Taken from “You’re Singing My Song” by Glenn and Cindy Colley, www.colleybooks.org

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