Guest Writer: Hannah Colley

The post today is a reprint of an article written by Hannah for her university newspaper, The Bell Tower. While it may seem to be a lightweight piece with little spiritual relevance, I believe it does make application of a scriptural concept. In Titus 2, godly older women are commanded to teach younger women some basics of Christian womanhood. These lessons are staples of lots of what you read on this blog. Among the principles to be passed from older to younger women are those of chastity and discretion. So the topic of pursuer or pursued in romantic relationships is the one she addresses. When I thought about what she wrote here, it occurred to me that discretion and chastity within marriage might well be a lot easier to come by if girls were accustomed to some prudent dating practices prior to walking down that aisle. So I decided to print her thoughts. Her regular feature article, by the way, is entitled His View / Her View. Thus, her references to Brad, who always takes the other side of every issue.

Dating Initiating?

When Brad and I decided on this week’s topic, I warned him that I’m definitely a traditionalist on the issue. As I understand it, Brad’s vision seems to be that all girls desert whatever they’ve learned about etiquette in dating and do things the “modern way.” If a girl likes a guy, she should call him up herself and ask him out. She should have no problem initiating a relationship, nor should she have any problem paying for dates.

Frankly, I couldn’t disagree more. I realize I’m old fashioned. I’m not oblivious to this fact. I still, however, believe there’s a lot to be said for chivalry—whatever is left of it. I truly believe that, deep down, every girl wants to be sought after. She wants to be chosen, pursued, and cherished as something special. At the same time, I think Brad is wrong about guys, too. I think the guys worth having are the ones who are willing to actively pursue what is worth the most to them.

Girls, do you want to have to always wonder whether he would have asked you out if you didn’t make the first move? Do you want to have to wonder whether he really liked you or whether he just acted interested because you made the first move?

As a true dating conservative, I’m not embarrassed to say that if I like a guy, he’ll never know it unless he shows obvious signs of interest. I don’t call guys, I don’t text first, and I certainly never ask them out. I know what you’re thinking—that’s why I’m single (it’s okay, I can take a hit), but in all reality, I view dating that way because if a guy isn’t wiling to take a risk and ask me himself, I’d rather not have him. I’m not that desperate. If a guy truly respects me, he won’t make me do the work. He’ll want to chase me…and deep down, every girl wants to be chased.

Speaking of chasing, I once heard a devotional by the great Lonnie Jones, who demanded that all the guys in the audience listen up, because he wanted them to hear this sentence: “Stop chasing the easy ones. Chaste girls want to be chased…and they’re the ones that are truly worth your time.”

As far as the money issue is concerned, if the guy can’t afford to pay for our dates, we’ll have Gano (university cafeteria) dates and picnics. We’ll go stargazing and watch movies under a warm blanket. We’ll take long walks and play games. But we won’t do things that cost money. The girl should never have to pay for a date. It throws our roles as male and female completely off-balance. It’s not about the money—it’s the principle of the matter.

I’m currently enrolled in Donald Shull’s King Arthur class, and in one of my readings about this time period, I ran across this description:

“Every knight in Britain who was noted for valor had clothing and arms identical in color, and the women had exquisitely matching garments. They deigned to love no man until he was three times proven in military combat. Thus, the women were made more chaste, and the knights more valiant because of their love of them.”

How much better and more appreciated would relationships be today if people had to work for them—if people set them in high esteem as something to be cherished, reverenced, and placed on a pedestal as they did back then? I realize we’re no longer living in Medieval times, but some things are simply timeless—or they should be, anyway.