Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Early Detection: One Divorce in Your Church is Too Many

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Last night I spoke on the topic “What to Do When You First Think There Might Be a Marriage Problem.”  That was a tough topic for me because you do not want 200 ladies to leave the room in horror because they all see some of the symptoms you list as signs that there may be marital problems. On the other hand, every counselor has lamented “If only we had recognized this earlier, the marriage might have been saved.”  So finding the balance was important and challenging.

Here are a dozen indicators I mentioned that may signal a growing problem in your marriage. Some of these are very serious and should be immediately addressed. Some can find compromise or resolve more easily with early detection. But if several of these are occurring simultaneously in your world, find help yesterday. Your marriage, children, souls and service to the Lord are worth all expenditures to address the security of your sacred union.

1. Sex is not occurring regularly between the two of you.
2. Your conversations together are not deep and meaningful, but superficial.
3. You take separate vacations, by choice.
4. One of you has an attraction to someone other than your spouse. You find yourself looking forward to being in his/her company and you want to look nice for that person.
5. One spouse’s hobby is off the radar in terms of dedication to it, and/or money and time spent on it. (Money may be spent on the hobby that is needed for bills, etc…)
6. Arguments are never settled, but are allowed to “pile up” and resentment mounts.
7. One spouse is afraid of the other.
8. A spouse is caught in lies.
9. There is some part of a spouse’s world to which the other is denied access (can be computers, phones, or a room in the house).
10. A spouse is secretly on the computer in the night.
11. A man is able, but unwilling to provide financially for his family.
12. There is any child abuse occurring in the home.

May God grant us wisdom and boldness to find His grace and fulfill his holy purposes in our marriages. He is so good to provide the plan for this earth’s ultimate happiness. May we follow his blueprint in joy all the way home!

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