Sister to Sister: Hefner– A Life of Instant “Heaven” for an Eternal Hell

I began my day by reading this blurb from my son-in-law, Ben Giselbach:

Consider how many families have been crushed and how many hearts have been torn to pieces because someone believed Hefner’s gospel of free sex, “decent” pornography, and erotic liberation. When he was born, his Methodist mother wanted him to grow up and be a missionary – and in a way she got her wish. He did not invent pornography, but he was the first to institutionalize by making it “respectable” and mainstream. He was the harbinger of the new sexual ethic, fueling a revolution that has changed the globe in a way far worse than any war or disease ever could. He was a missionary who taught his message to the ugly end. He died yesterday as a pathetic, wrinkly playboy, perhaps still in those silk pajamas. We do not rejoice in his death (Eze. 18:23; 33:11). But we must recognize he died not as a successful philanderer, but a loser and a con man. He duped many into buying into his gospel of death and now stands before his Creator, explaining why he exploited so many made in precious His image. Lord, please have mercy.

Hugh Hefner is dead. His legacy lives on. He converted many whose influences have now converted millions. According to Family Safe (familysafe.com), these are fairly recent statistics. (However, pornography statistics are outdated very quickly because of the dramatic daily increase in porn use.) Hefner’s influence is compounded every second in our country. 

Pornography Time StatisticsEvery second – $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography

Every second – 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography

Every second – 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines

Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States

Hefner died today with a net worth of about 40-50 million dollars, all of which remains here, forever inaccessible to him. According to his own testimony, he had sex with over a thousand women, all of whom are forever inaccessible to him now. He has already entered a state of torment that will never end. The leader of the sexual revolution, the iconic king of sexual pleasure, will never know a single moment’s pleasure again. He will remember with pain and deep regret. He will wish for a Lazarus to dip a finger in water and come and cool his tongue, but no man can help him now. Hugh Hefner was instrumental in building a 97 billion dollar industry. He died a spiritual pauper. He will be buried beside Marilyn Monroe in Westside Village Memorial Park in Los Angeles, CA. 

Imagine that! One day when the graves are opened, rising up next to one another will be the bodies of Marilyn Monroe and Hugh Hefner. But Entertainment Tonight and Star magazine will not even be looking that way. All eyes will be heavenward. 

If you are one among the masses of people who are living under the influence of Hefner’s industry…if you are contributing to the coffers of pornography or suffering from its addiction, you are still on the right side of eternity. You can still die a rich woman. You can still have heaven. I hope you will make conscious choices now to that end. If you are toying around with the idea of reading that salacious book or clicking on that inappropriate site or posting that seductive picture, I hope you will take a moment to think about where that “missionary” you are thinking of following is living— right this very moment.

Marvel not at this: for the hour comes, in which all that are in the tombs shall hear his voice, and shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of judgment [damnation—KJV]” (Jn. 5:28-29).

Sister to Sister: Guest Writer–Pornography Hooks Girls, Too.

For about nine months, I’ve been in touch with this author every day; sometimes multiple times each day in our (our meaning her and me, but also and foremost, the ONE who gives us the victory) victorious effort to rid her very young life of pornography. She’s made lots of decisions and changes and has come up with great strategies to be all she can be, sans pornography, for our Lord. I know, from my own small circle, that there are others who could benefit from her advice. She’s smart about this. Here’s her message:

Sexual temptation is not just for men. I think all too often we are given the idea that only men struggle with sexual temptation, specifically that of pornography. We hear sermon after sermon about the dangers of pornography for men, and about how to counter and avoid it, and this is wonderful! But, what about the girls who struggle with this?
So many times I think when we talk about a girl’s purity we are thinking only in terms of her virginity. And, as important as that is, it also needs to be stressed that when a girl struggles with a a sexual temptation, a pornography addiction, or a masturbation addiction, she’s not the only one. Based on experience, and from things others have said to me personally, a lot of the time, when you tell someone about your struggle, their response may be “yeah, I struggled with that too”.  This has happened to me on more than one occasion. We shouldn’t be ashamed to tell other people and reach out for help. 
 
Luke 15:10 :

Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.

The shame was in the sin. There’s no shame in repentance. Sometimes I think the reason that girls hide their struggles with sexual temptations instead of reaching out is because they’ve never heard anything about a girl having this temptation. That misconception was my worst enemy in my struggle…. Who did I turn to that wouldn’t think I was perverted, or weird? Worst of all, would they make it public?… I thought things like… “What on earth is wrong with me? I shouldn’t like this!” and “How am I struggling with this? I’m a girl! This is a guy problem….” It took a long time for me to understand that there were a lot more girls than I thought who struggled with the same things.  And they were just as ashamed as I was. We shouldn’t let the shame of the sin keep us from reaching out for help. The people that I wanted to know–the ones I felt close to, but afraid to tell–weren’t disappointed in me. They were sad for me, but they were also proud because I was doing what I needed to do to get out of it. They treated me no differently than they had before.  The best thing that I could have possibly done would have been to tell someone the moment I saw those things and was interested, but I didn’t. I hid it, and hiding it fueled it. We should be reaching out to those struggling, and reaching when we personally struggle, and we should be praying for one another. 

James 5:16

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Why do we sometimes apply this verse only to the “easier” sins? Why, when we hear of the harder sins in someone’s life do we sometimes shrink back, thinking of them as perverted? All sin is sin in God’s eyes; none worse, none better… .I think we should apply this verse even more to the harder sins in our Christian family’s lives.

Some sins are harder than others to overcome, but none are impossible. Here are a few of the things that have helped me in my struggle…

1. Get an accountability partner.

I didn’t really know how to get away from pornography, how to take away all of the temptation. I’d tried several times to just promise myself I’d never do it again. I would stay clean for about a week and then I’d fall again. So I finally realized that by myself, with only my sister and myself knowing (and her thinking I was over it), I would never get over it. So I told someone else, thinking that having someone else know would make me not do it. And then came the questions… “When was the last time you did it? This year? This week? Since you’ve been here at PTP?” And, having affirmed the last of the three options I was asked to promise to contact that friend if I ever did it again. About a month later, I started to struggle with it again. I kept my promise, sent the ever dreaded email, and was asked to agree to her terms of accountability. I was lucky. I was offered accountability and wouldn’t have thought to ask for it. I didn’t even know what it was, really. I knew it was for those who struggled with things like pornography, but I had never needed to know about that…. After all, I wasn’t ever going to do those things, right? Make sure you ask someone you respect to help you and keep you accountable. This will be your biggest help, and that person will likely be your biggest cheerleader. 

2. Covenant Eyes (or a similar program to monitor and report).

“Why do I need Covenant Eyes? I’m not going to do anything bad on my laptop. Don’t you trust me?” This one really hits home for me. While I’d have never have had the nerve to say it, I can surely remember thinking it. I hated the idea of something on my laptop that recorded and recounted to my parents everything that I did on my computer. Not because I had, at that time, any intention or desire to look at sinful things on my laptop, but because I wanted privacy. Now, I absolutely love my Covenant Eyes. It is the easiest thing in the world to not click on that nasty ad when you know that your laptop is immediately going to notify your parents or accountability partner. 

3. Keep busy.

I’ve spent probably the past 3-4 months having this one pounded into my thick skull, but you know what? It works! When you’re busy working for God and for others around you, or even just a new project that keeps your interest, then you will be so much less focused on your own troubles and shortcomings (discouragement/depression feeds the sin) and you will feel so good about the things you can do for others. 

4. Work hard on your thoughts.

Anyone who has ever been exposed to pornography knows how hard it is to get just one image out of your head, much less images, videos, words, etc… that have been purposely put in your head for months and years. So make sure that you’re watching your mind.  It becomes much easier to avoid temptations when your mind isn’t constantly on those things you’ve seen. So read a book, do a craft, study, sing a song. Avoid getting caught in a cycle of pornographic thoughts.

5. Go through your your phone, and get rid of ALL the temptations.

I don’t know why, but I didn’t even really consider going through and getting rid of the apps…the ones I hadn’t necessarily used to view pornography, but that I knew could have… (Amazon, Etsy, blogging apps, really any shopping apps),  so this has been a recent one for me but an enormous relief. You get rid of so much guilt when you delete an app that, while very convenient to have nearby, is also a temptation for you. So sit down, go through your phone and get rid of anything (apps or internet) that could readily give access to pornography. This will be a huge relief and help. 

1 Corinthians 10:13

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

 

 

Sister to Sister: Fifty Shades: Five Excuses…Ten Reasons

Unknown-7Shocking is what it is to absorb the conversations among some of those who wear the name of Christ…women who see nothing wrong with being entertained by the erotica fiction of the 2011 romance novel and the new movie, “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I do not have to read the books or see the movies to know that Christian women have no business anywhere near the “Grey” zone. Here are five of the top excuses for partaking in the evil of a blatantly pornographic form of entertainment:

  1. “It’s literature…a literary phenomenon.” Yes. It is. The original book has sold over 100 million copies, making in excess of 95 million dollars for the author. A sad commentary on our culture.
  2. “Just because I watch it doesn’t mean it will affect my behavior or my thinking.” Studies have already been done. One at Michigan State University found that women who have read the book are more likely to have abusive partners, be binge drinkers, and participate in unsafe sex, and eating disorders. I’m not sure if women who do these things are more likely to love the movie or the other way around. But, either way, the study results, in themselves, wave a big red flag to people of morality. It’s like the Good Book says: “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).
  3. “I’m just curious.” You could follow the link below if you’re curious about the content. My friend, Tom Holland used to say “You don’t have to stick your head in a trash can to know what trash is.” You will, for the sake of curiosity, put some images in your head that are not erasable.
  4. “I want to make our sex life better.” Would you like for your husband to work to make your sex life better by watching pornographic videos? Perhaps he does. If so, how does that feel to you? Besides, pornography does not enhance sex in the long run. It destroys relationships and cheapens what God has sanctified. The trump card is that it’s a clear violation of God’s commands. (Matthew 5:28; Titus 2:3-5)
  5. “It’s fun.” At least you’re being honest on this one. Sin is selfishly pleasurable in the short term. Satan loves this reason and, truth be told, it’s probably the reason we make up all the other excuses to sin.

And here are ten of the top reasons you should stay away from “Fifty Shades.”

  1. BDSM. If you do not know what that is, you may be fortunate. It is “Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masechism, all of which are strong thematic elements in the movie. It is a portrayal of a perverted attraction to an extremely sexually abusive man who keeps Ana, the main female character, in sexual bondage using abuse, expensive gifts and confidentiality agreements.
  2. Your money. Do you really want your movie/book dollars to be included in the 95 million-plus that E.L. James has made/is making from her self termed “expression of a mid-life crisis”? Do you think God is pleased with that sort of stewardship?
  3. Christ is coming back. Do you want to be reading/watching “Fifty Shades of Grey” when He does return? And, if not, then are you okay with Him seeing you read/watch from His seat beside the throne?
  4. Your children. This movie is phenomenally huge. The book, sadly, has become the #1 seller in the world. The book has also now surpassed Harry Potter as the fastest selling paper back. It became the first book ever to sell  more than a million copies on Amazon Kindle.  James was named by Forbes as the 2013 best selling author in the world. Your children, even if they are small or not yet born, will likely one day hear about this book and ask if you have read/seen “Fifty Shades”. Do you really want them to know that you have? If so, you are not the kind of parent I’d hope you want to be. You should love your children enough already to be protective of your influence over them. (Kids have a way of thinking that, no matter what it is, if Mom and Dad have done it, it must not be too bad.)
  5. The rating. The film has an R rating for strong sexual content including dialogue, some unusual behavior and graphic nudity, and for language. Christians cannot claim ignorance as they go to see “Fifty Shades.” We have been fairly warned. And when the movie industry puts out a rating because content will be offensive to some audiences, which audiences do you think those would be?…Christians, maybe?
  6. The woman who wrote the books (i.e. thought up the perversions of plot and sexuality) is also working as a producer of the movie. The movie promises not to be better or tamer than the book.
  7. The male lead in the movie, Jamie Dornan, actually visited a sex dungeon in preparation for his role as Christian Grey. Right. This is for Christians?!
  8. Producers are also planning a release of an NC-17 version of the movie, which will include more of the sexual content. (hard to believe there could be more.) They are doing it because   “the fans want it dirty.” Do you want to be a part of such a fan base?
  9. Evangelism: Do you believe, should your lost friends know about your viewing of the movie, that it would enhance or damage your ability to bring them to a life of purity in Christ? Which?
  10. Scriptures. Commands. Just a couple, though numerous ones come to mind. Philippians 4:8 Whatever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report. If anything is virtuous or worthy of praise, think on these things.” Imagine these words appearing at the bottom of the movie screen during a trailer of “Fifty Shades.” Would those words “fit” there? Would they, in any sense, be descriptive of this movie? What about I Thessalonians 5:22?—“Abstain from the very appearance of evil.”  This book…this movie, my sister friends, is evil come to your community.

Information obtained from www.covenanteyes.com/…/50-fast-factsfiftyshades-grey/.

Sister to Sister: Pornography Use = Fornication? (Recommended Reading from Christian Courier)

Woman-cryingSeveral times in the past few months, I’ve been asked to state my thinking on the popular (and really pretty recently contrived) idea that if my spouse has used pornography, then I am biblically free to divorce and remarry since Jesus said in Matthew 5:18 that a man who looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery already in his heart. So if my husband has been involved in the sin of lust, he is thus an adulterer, and I may, with God’s approval or sanction, divorce him and marry another.

I was answering this question yesterday with what I consider to be three valid objections to the idea that pornography use frees people from marriage vows and, as usual, I was struggling through the meticulous process of writing succinct sentences in a  logical  form.  I came upon this article by my brother, Wayne Jackson. He does not struggle with succinct sentences or logic. I want to recommend this for your reading today: https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1371-is-lust-the-equivalent-of-fornication

When you are finished reading, gather your children or grandchildren close around you and, once again, put into their hearts the importance of finding faithful Christians–people whose hearts are ever tender toward the Word–for their husbands or wives. So many problems that Glenn and I encounter as we speak with couples could have been avoided if His people had been more serious about spiritual things and more selective in the dating and marriage process. It is specifically important that our girls make sure they are not making marriage vows to men who are involved in pornography. (I know that sometimes the problem begins after marriage, but very often it is a hidden problem through the teen years.  I also know that sometimes it is the wife who is the pornography user; but still, the problem is far more common among men.) It’s enslaving and tormenting. It regularly wrecks homes. It is adultery of the heart. But it is not the act of fornication of Matthew 19:9.

Correspondence with a Broken Heart

The following letter came to me yesterday in response to Monday’s blog post. I’ve already prayed for this sweet sister. Will you pray for her, too? I’m praying for all of us that we may learn valuable lessons while we may have time to avoid eternal tragedies. I give you her letter with her permission:

Cindy,
I read your “Average Joe in Europe” and wanted to comment about what I learned from a “converted” Muslim to Christianity about three years ago. It was from an interview somewhere that I found on the internet. He said that the reason that Muslims think that they need to come to America and take over is just what you said – they see America as a “Christian” nation, a nation that must be like the TV shows, “Dallas”, “Soap”, etc. that his family saw when he was a teen before his family came to America. They equate Christianity with America, and America with the TV programs they see. “Such immorality! Such lies! We must go and punish those who profess they know God who live like this,” was their thinking, he said. Ironically, his family escaped his country to come to the freedom in America. Do you know how he was converted to know Christ (albeit in a false church)? Not by the daily conversations he had with his high school Christian friends; not by “observing” the life styles of Christians, but by reading A FEW verses in Matthew. From those few verses, he knew his Muslim teachings had been a lie about Jesus. He began to study the word of God on his own. Imagine that, to simply read and learn the truth FROM the Truth. He said that he told his father that he was a Christian, and that he fully expected his father to kill him in his bed before morning, but morning came and he was alive.

I’ll try to find it again. Though, I doubt I can.

Can I tell you something else? My family is gone to hell. Including me. I learned today that Husband has been on some porn junk, though he says “it’s wrong”. He went to nude beaches on an island he had to go to … long story. I mean, he has been baptized, but is basically, “unchurched” (my term for not attending worship for a very long time), so no real surprise. My older, “goodly” girls, as you once called them, have both left the church (beyond “unchurched”), and I must admit, lately, I have such hateful feelings toward Husband. I know the reality of that sin. We cannot love God and hate our brother. Hate and Heaven are not together. Timidly, I agreed to marry this man that I couldn’t think of a way to get out of the relationship, and my parents, whom I obeyed all my life didn’t say a word of advice to me about it. If my dad had said one sentence to advise against marriage to him, I would have ended it then, and I waited for that sentence. It never came. I think my parents were of the popular opinion that children are old enough to make up their own minds when they are old enough to leave home and go to college. Now, we have daughters that, one did not enter her marriage pure, and the other will not. Both are or will be married to atheists. Can that be possible????? My whole life of training them to be faithful Christian women was a waste. Don’t quote Proverbs 22:6 either. I failed that verse somewhere. I didn’t train them right somewhere, and I think I know the weak spots that failed them.

Just a story for you to warn women and girls not to take the path I have taken, but of course, if you have some words of encouragement and verses of hope, I would love to hear that.

signed,
______________________

So what is it we can learn from this sister who has opened up the recesses of her broken heart today? Here’s a partial list for us all. (I also responded to her personally.)

1. As already stated, the media in America routes rather than reflects our moral condition.
2. America’s moral condition is a large factor in her weakness or strength before the world.
3. The gospel still is the power of God to salvation (Romans 1:16).
4. The gospel is simple, especially if left undiluted by false teachings of men.
5. When we forsake the assemblies of the people of God, we become weak and fall into other sins.
6. Children desperately need two faithful parents in order to maintain a strong faith. Statistics work against them in other cases.
7. The father’s role as the spiritual leader in the home is extremely crucial in the spiritual development of children.
8. There are certain sins that make the distinction between hating the sin and hating the sinner a difficult, albeit necessary one.
9. Pornography destroys relationships. It destroys homes. It hurts children. It is of the devil (Matthew 5:28).
10. When parents can see that their child is about to marry someone who will effectively lead her to hell, they should step in and do all within their power to keep that from occurring.
11. Though inserting godly counsel, for parents, is a tough thing to do, children generally long for parents who set boundaries, maintain discipline, and then, through the “marrying” years, are watchful for their souls.
12. Children are still children, in many respects, at age 18 in America, today. They still need parents and they often still need systems of punishment.
13. There are plenty of atheists in the world today and the devil would love to use them to pull your children from the Lord. It is very important that you include apologetics along with the staple of the Word in your daily family Bible times. (I DID say DAILY family Bible times. I hope that is a given.) Apologetics should begin at age 6 months!
14. There is a real sense in which we are wasting time parenting if our children grow up and leave the Lord.
15. Time is of the essence for parents. There may come a day, young parents, when you would do anything to go back and redo the year in which you find yourself right now. But opportunity, once past, is forever gone. It has no apron strings. Redeem the time.
16. As long as there is life, there is hope. We should never give up on family members who have left the Lord.
17. Sometimes we come to points in life in which we cannot control what anyone else is doing/choosing, but we can still control our own personal choices. Never compromise faith for family.
18. Prayer is always the most valuable resource that we have.
19. All of us have made mistakes. It takes an humble heart to be willing to admit them and it takes a great deal of compassion to bare them so that others can avoid them.
20. Honest evaluation of “weak spots” is learning. We can all do a lot of that along the way.

What if it was “Magic Mary?”

“Surely not!?” That was my response when a friend mentioned to me that she was hearing sisters in the Lord as they discussed their positive impressions after seeing “Magic Mike,” Hollywood’s new release about the boozed-up summer of four male strippers. Can it be?…Can it really be that women who sing “More Holiness Give Me” on Sunday morning can be standing in line on Friday night to watch a sex-saturated portrayal about men who take off their clothes and have sex for cash? Can it be that moms who at least pay lip service to the desire that their children grow up with pure hearts can somehow think this desire is consistent with a hankering to go see this pornographic production of the devil’s minions? Can it be that the info section on one facebook page can say “Christian” beside “Religious Views” and “Magic Mike” under “Likes” ? Seriously? Sometimes, when commenting on a movie Christians should oppose, it’s helpful to look it up on screenit.com to make sure that we all know ahead of time exactly what we’re opposing (or in other cases what we’re headed to see.) This time, I’ve heard enough in casual conversation about one aspect of the movie: theme. I do not need to even go to screenit to know that this film is not what a Christian woman would want to watch.

Picture yourself overhearing this conversation between your husband and his co-worker:

Your Husband: Have you seen “Magic Mary” yet?
His Co-worker: No, is it good?
YH: Is it good!? It’s Gisele as a stripper! What do YOU think?
HCW: I don’t think I’d probably go to sleep in that one (laughs).
YH: You should go…just sayin’…but probably not with your wife.
HCW: You want to go see it again on lunch break when we work third shift next week?
YH: I’m in, but it won’t be a very productive afternoon when we get back. Oh man… yeah, I can see it again.

I crafted that conversation to be about as benign as any you could hear between two men who were planning to go watch a pornographic film on lunch break. In real life, the language would probably be more “descriptive” and the comments more detailed. But, really….How would you feel, Sister, about your husbands plans and desires? How would you feel about your relationship with him? How would you feel about yourself? Just how would you feel when you went to bed with this man that evening after accidentally overhearing this conversation?

Here are just a few of the Lord’s insights about “Magic Mike.” Amazing how relevant God always is:

Flee from sexual immorality (I Corinthian 6:17).

Abstain from the very appearance of evil (I Thessalonians 5:22).

Whatever things are pure…If there’s anything virtuous or praiseworthy, think on these things (Philippians 4:8).

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you…(Ephesians 5:3).

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire …(Col.3:5).

…And I may have to mourn over many of those who sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual immorality, and sensuality that they have practiced (II Cor.12:21).

Have I put to death what is earthly and carnal in me or is God mourning because I have not repented? If I call myself His, but am not putting to death the carnal, I may be putting to death afresh the Son of God (Heb. 6:6).

The lust problem that is destroying families in ever larger numbers in our churches is not funny. It is not entertainment fodder for Christians. A claim to be a Christian and acclaim for “Magic Mike” are polar opposites. They surely don’t belong on the same facebook page.