The Colley House » Modesty

Does the Word Look Good on You?

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 17-11-2011

I was recently asked by a friend to read some blog posts on the subject of modesty and offer my judgment about their teaching and tone. Below is an excerpt from those posts which were written by Debbie Heck:

To the Sweet Young Girls in my Life,

Yes, this post is just to the girls. Specifically to some young girlfriends of mine. I love you very much. I am constantly impressed by your kindness, your deep love for others, your caring example in looking to the needs of others, your desire to please the LORD. Your faithfulness in attending services. I LOVE YOU!!!But you, like me, are not perfect. I have my struggles and you have yours. I know one of those struggles put upon all of us is the pressure to conform to the world. The pressure to buy into the foolish idea that you must win a fella by your outward beauty and by showing off your lovely young figures. Sweet friends of mine, please do not buy that lie Satan is trying to sell you. Please look to His word for His idea of modesty. Do a word study on articles of clothing. Please do not come to church again (or anywhere else) in short dresses or with ANY cleavage showing, with skin tight T~shirts stretched tightly across your chests. Wearing a see through lacy undershirt under your too low cut t~shirt does not make your outfit modest. It draws the eyes right to an area of your body that is CREATED to be seen by ONLY your husband. It’s for your future husband’s pleasure some day, and for nursing whatever sweet babies God may give you (if you choose to do so). It’s not for my sons to view (unless one day they are your husbands…and right now they AREN’T). It pleases that old liar, the devil, and he couldn’t be happier that you have been caught in his trap. It saddens and angers our LORD, who continually warns us to be READY. To remain PURE. To stand fast always. To be watching for HIS return..

Your own dear mommas or grandmommas may not stop you. They may not have the Bible knowledge themselves. They may be thankful that you are improving in your dress, and be afraid to push you a bit farther to where you need to be. But sweet girls, immodesty is a sin. Immodesty can not only cause you to be lost, but others to stumble as well– other girls, because they see YOU as a good Christian girl and think it’s o.k. to dress like you are dressing, and boys because they can’t help but stare…and imagine. They are not bad boys. I am a woman, and I can’t help but see, and males are just more visually affected. That’s how God created them. That’s why it’s COMMANDED that as women we adorn ourselves in modest apparel. There will be a time when you get to bare all. It will be right, good, pure, wonderful, complete happiness…in your Christian marriages. But for now, keep those beautiful, lovely bodies covered up. Keep it a mystery and just shine with your beautiful smiles, your beautiful actions, your beautiful modest clothing.

I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!!! I look forward to spending more time on this earth with you. You light up a room just by your very presence. I look forward to spending eternity with you, sweet girls. Will you please think about these things? Will you please be willing to die to self, and follow the LORD and His will even though it’s hard. Will you please try to have a humble heart and not be angered by this note to YOU? Will you please be brave and post this on your own page to encourage your own dear friends?

Have a super day my sweet young encouraging friends! Big warm hugs to all of you!

Love,Debbie

After reading the letter above and realizing there have been some who took issue with its content, I offer the following response. I hope it can plant a seed or encourage a soldier. In fact, God can do anything, so I’ll go ahead and hope Debbie’s words or mine will make a positive and practical difference in some mother’s example of modesty or in some teen girl’s closet or dresser drawer. Here’s what I think:

I know that my weighing in on the subject of modesty really makes no difference. What’s important is the Will of God for our lives and how we respond to that revealed will. There’s a clarion call for modest dress in I Timothy 2:9,10. The words are “modest” (not calling attention to oneself), “shamefacedness” (retaining the ability to blush with embarrassment) and “sobriety” (seriousness, viewing things the way they really are.) The way things really are today is that approximately eight out of ten of our boys struggle with a pornography problem when they graduate from high school. These boys are our brothers. They are family members. They sit beside us and our kids in worship. We are related through the blood of the Savior. Can we honestly say we are loyal to that cross when we know of a very effective way to contribute to their purity of heart and we, because of a desire to be comfortable, stylish or to fit in, choose (either purposefully or because of a lack of sober thinking) to be the “eye candy” that may divert a man’s thinking from purity to lust? “It must needs be that offenses come, but woe to the one through whom they come. It would be better for a millstone to be hung around the neck of the one who causes one of these little ones to stumble, and that he be cast into the bottom of the sea.” (Have you seen a millstone?…I would encourage you to google a millstone and it will take just a sec for you to realize that you would not want to be tied to one in the bottom of the sea!) Girlfriends, it is very possible to partake (have a part in) somebody else’s sin (I Tim. 5:22).

Now, about what Mrs. Debbie wrote…To be sure, only a woman knows definitively the motives of her own heart (I Corinthians 2:11). But, as a sister looking at the writings of another sister, may I just say that I can hardly see how her teachings could be construed as anything other than what older women are COMMANDED to be teaching in Titus 2. It’s not merely a good idea or even a suggestion that we teach the tenets of Titus 2:3-5. It’s a command and the reason given is so that the Word of God will not be blasphemed. It is my strong judgment that, had older women not taken a hiatus from teaching the principles of Titus 2 for about 30 years, that there would be no objection, no lashing out against such teaching, no such “blasphemy” against the Word as we regularly witness when teaching about chastity and discretion in our classes, in our writings and in our ladies’ and girls’ days today. Frankly, I am very glad for anyone, like Mrs. Debbie, who will help make up for lost time!

I know that my opinion weighs no more than any human one…nothing at all. But the Words of the Bible will judge me in the last day. “Whoso looks on a woman to lust after her commits adultery in his own heart”…”That the women adorn themselves in modest apparel with shamefacedness and sobriety as women professing good works.”… “Whoso causes one…to stumble…it would be better for that person to have a millstone about [her] neck and to be cast into the sea.” Do I really want to argue about why it’s okay for me to wear the low cut dress or wear the shorts or the short skirt or the see-through top or the tight leggings under a minimal dress or shirt? Maybe I’ve listened with my husband to too many men describe the pain of pornography in their homes. Maybe I’ve been privy to too many adulterous relationships that had their small beginnings in church related activities. Maybe I’ve listened to my son tell me he’s decided not to ask a girl out because he just thinks her dress is not going to help him get to heaven–too many times. Maybe it’s my husband’s classes with young men who often tell him the very most difficult obstacle to faithful Christianity that they face in this world is the way girls dress. Maybe it’s the combination of all these things. But each time one of these things is brought to my attention, I have to stop and think: “How is the Word of God looking to the World when the wardrobe choices of many of those who claim to be Christians mirror the look of street walkers, at worst, and average women of the ungodly world, at best? I believe the result is the one Paul warned Timothy about in the relevant passage: blasphemy of that sacred Word.

I have a tender spot in my heart for women who read Titus 2 and I Timothy 2 and seriously attempt to call women in an undressed society to modesty. We will make mistakes sometimes in our approach to the subject. We will make enemies, though unintentionally, when we cross the grain of the culture in such a blatantly Biblical way. We will be imperfect vessels of His truth. But I, for one, will not be found silent. The command is too clear and the price of silence may be pain and sorrow in this life as the short precursor to eternal loss. I love simple preventive measures when the potential ruin is so unimaginably final, yet never-ending. I hope your response to those who are willing to step out of a comfort zone and take the message of modesty to precious girls in hopes of guarding their happiness and protecting the equally precious boys from sin will be one of gratitude. But, if you can’t muster that, may it at least be one of tolerance.

Q and A: Should I enroll my six-year-old in ballet?

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 22-08-2011

Category : Bless Your Heart

Tags: Modesty, Parenting, Questions and Answers

Question:

I know how busy you are and I hope you have time to read this and can maybe give me a little input. Anyway, we have not enrolled our girls in any type of dance class, mostly for my fear of it leading into immodesty. My 6 year old has begged to take ballet for years now. When people ask her if she takes, she answers, “no cause mom said its bad”-which is not what I said. Some of her friends take, and many of the girls in the church take lessons. I have begun to second guess myself when I see some of those who are strong and faithful enrolling their children. I also think about them being little and my being able to make sure they aren’t being taught inappropriate moves. So, I have begun thinking maybe it isn’t such a bad idea. And then I’m afraid if I do, friends who I have had discussions about the fear of it leading to immodesty with will consider me a hypocrite (Their children take dance), although, I don’t think changing my view makes me a hypocrite. So, I thought I would solicit your opinion, and I began by reading your Q&A your blog from Dec 2009 (I think). If tap and ballet aren’t wrong for a child modestly dressed and no male touching….then are they o.k. for a teenager/adult? I gathered from your blog that they wouldn’t be wrong under those circumstances. What would you consider modest dress for the little one in ballet? Do you have any other Ideas to share on this topic? I do apologize if this sounds silly. We want to make the best decisions for our family. When confused, I feel it best to turn to someone wise and knowledgeable. I look forward to your response.

-Lynn

Response:

Well, first let me say I think you are VERY wise to say no at age six. That was our course with Hannah. I know a little girl whose parents said yes when she was little and she was extremely good at it. To make a long story short, she became so good at it that, when it was time for her to go to college, she was accepted at an exclusive arts university in NYC and so, instead of going to a Christian university where she would have encouragement and suitable marriage choices, she went to NY and put herself in an awful environment because she could not stand to turn down this offer which came with much acclaim. Her sweet grandmother would tell you NO…a thousand times NO. But here is the way I look at it. If this is just a phase, then she will quickly pass through it and be interested in something else. (I would probably go ahead and start a keeper’s club or something way more productive and she can be a leader instead of a follower in that endeavor.) If, on the other hand, it is something for which she has a great propensity for achievement and success, then you are going to run into trouble down the road with moves and immodesty. (I’m really sure about that.) Either way, to put her in such a program seems a waste to me. Having said that, at six, I do not think you are sinning to put her in and I will not fault you. I rather think you are opening the door to some pretty big temptations later. I do not think even a swimsuit on a six year old is immodest. I do not think traditional ballet moves for her would be immodest. I do think drawing the line later will be difficult. And I thinks, as she progresses in such a program there may be dangers to her little soul. These are my thoughts. They may seem extreme, BUT, it seems to me that the moms in your congregation may be pigeon-holing their daughters into one particular activity that has some risks when there is a huge big world of choices out there for creative moms. Love you for wanting to make the best choice!

Questions and Answers: Situational Modesty

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 21-03-2011

Category : Bless Your Heart

Tags: Modesty, Questions and Answers

Question: Some seem to have strong convictions about modesty, but then when it comes time for a wedding, the attire that would be inappropriate in their minds for most occasions, seems to be perfectly acceptable? What gives?

Response: Well, this does seem to be a bit of a rhetorical question. I would be surprised if the questor doesn’t already have a fairly strong opinion about situational modesty. But, nevertheless, let me just take the time and space today to say that, of course, what’s too skimpy, tight, short or revealing under other circumstances is certainly so at a wedding. It has always blown my mind that some young ladies who are big on dressing modestly throughout the teen years have been willing to show cleavage, bare shoulders and/or naked backs when they are the center of attention as the bride in front of so many men just a little while before they are to give themselves to their husbands in the most intimate and holy relationship between two mortal people. I think if I’d had the discretion to cover myself in other situations when the world was undressing, I would want to stay covered just a little while more, till I could present my body to the man who would own it for the rest of our lives together (I Cor. 7:4). I would want to show that man this respect during the wedding ceremony.

And then it also seems that some in the audience at a wedding are comfortable wearing, on that Saturday evening, outfits that are skimpier than anything they would wear the next morning to worship services. I believe that we sadly give the nod to what is culturally correct rather than what is chaste and discreet as commanded in Titus 2.

I think I get more mail about immodest clothing than any other subject I ever address. Two observations come to mind when I think about the interest in this subject. One is that we seem to be constantly asking “How close to immodesty can I get without actually crossing the line into disobedience to the injunction in I Timothy 2?” The other is that as our culture moves more and more toward culturally accepted nakedness, we, as God’s people seem to be comfortable following so long as we stay a little behind the world in our movement into immodesty. Both of these observations make me want to shout the words of Romans 12:2.

Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.

Questions and Answers: What about Attire for Worship?

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 13-10-2010

Category : Bless Your Heart

Tags: Modesty, Questions and Answers, Women, Worship

Question:

Does the way people dress (jeans, t-shirts, shorts, etc) make a difference to God when we come to a worship service? I don’t mean if you don’t have nicer clothes because of a lack of money, but, in general, shouldn’t we be giving God our best? Does that reflect our respect for/faith in God?

Answer:

This is a difficult question and one that I think remains in the area of judgment, to a great extent. It is my judgment that we should make the best presentation that we possibly can make to our God. This would primarily include the obeisance of our hearts, the humility of our characters before Him and the respect for His authority that would cause us to strive to worship Him exactly as He has prescribed. However, I believe that most of us would naturally want to appear before Him to worship in clothing that would reflect respect and an attempt to honor Him in a way at least similar to that we would wear when being presented to an earthly magistrate. I believe, out of respect for the office of the President of the U.S. we would, if summoned, give our appearance attention and dress in the nicest clothes available.

We must, though, as in so many areas of practical Christian living, exhibit a sense of balance in our dress. If we were to attempt to wear the very best every time we worship, wouldn’t that limit our attire for worship to the same outfit every time we worship (assuming we each have one best outfit)? That seems to me to be a bit of an extreme. On the other hand, if I take no thought about preparing for the worship services, I might often appear in the same clothes I was wearing to weed the garden or clean the toilets. This seems to me to be the other extreme of the worship attire spectrum. It is my judgment that we should find ourselves somewhere in the middle of this spectrum, taking care to be neat and clean and respectably dressed, but also taking pains to avoid dressing in a way that would portray an emphasis on the outward attire rather than the motivation of a pure heart. So, in short, we should determine to give God our best and follow our Word –trained consciences about what that includes.

Although I cannot tell you exactly what attire might be appropriate and what might not, I can tell you some attire-related decisions with which I’m pretty sure God is not pleased.

One is the decision made by a woman to criticize a young ball player for showing up at the gospel meeting in his ball uniform. Did she think about how blessed she was to have in her congregation a young man who, although he was an integral (you might even say crucial) player on his team, walked off the field in a late inning in a very tight game because he was more committed to the Lord than the team? Pretty sure God was not offended by his decision or his attire. I think He was glorified. And I think he was likely ashamed of the woman who made the call to criticize this faithful young man.

Another is the decision many young women make each Lord’s day to attend worship services wearing scanty clothing that surely must make it difficult for men who might sit near them or glance in their directions to keep their thoughts pure as they offer their worship. As I spoke with a friend one day about the assembly in her town, she told me that several of the men of the congregation had specifically asked not to be listed to serve communion in the “college section” of their building because these men admitted that they had difficulty focusing on the cross when the dress in that section tended to be so immodest. I’m pretty sure God was pleased with the decisions of these men to avoid the temptation placed before them. I’m pretty sure He was not pleased with the dress of the girls in that section. Just recently I worshipped at a congregation in another state and sitting at the Sunday school table with me was a college student whose V neckline plunged to the bottom of her breast line. The skirt of her dress was a good six inches above the top of her knee as she stood. I was glad she was in an all girls’ class. But then of course, we proceeded to the main event of the Lord’s Day—the worship. It was there that a faithful young man was serving the communion in her section. I feel for such young men.

Yet another is the decision portrayed in James chapter two to exalt the person who dresses in “fine clothes” and wears the gold ring, while humiliating the one who wears the dirty clothes. God’s view of this attitude is made very clear in verses one through six:

My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory.
2 For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in,
3 and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, You sit here in a good place, while you say to the poor man, You stand over there, or, Sit down at my feet,
4 have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
5 Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him?
6 But you have dishonored the poor man.

Most of us can likely make wise choices about what to wear if we envision ourselves sitting on the pew beside the Lord when we arrive at the place of worship. Most of us can guard our attitudes about what others wear by asking ourselves what He would think. This “if-Jesus-were-here” decision monitor can help us make so many decisions if we are honest with ourselves. The key to following through with good choices is remembering that He is with us wherever we go.

Friends Don’t Tempt Friends

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 10-09-2010

Category : Bless Your Heart

Tags: Modesty, Sin

In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works (I Tim.2:9,10).

The first indicator of the character of a woman is the way she dresses. Clothing says something about her before words, actions or reactions get a chance. Our clothes should match! Matching clothes, in this passage, doesn’t mean no plaids with checks. It means what we wear should match or reflect the godliness that we are professing. Then the Holy Spirit goes on to become the wardrobe consultant for all Christian women. He says, first, that our clothing should be modest. Modest apparel is clothing that doesn’t draw undue attention to the wearer. There are at least a couple of ways that we can draw attention to ourselves by the clothes we are wearing. One is when we dress in outlandishly wild or weird kinds of clothing. I once knew a lady who wore giant hats with various wild colors of wigs to services each Sunday. She was not modest. Gothic clothing is immodest in most circumstances because it shouts “Look at me!”

I think the more common way girls dress immodestly today is by wearing clothing that is sexually provocative. The verse tells us that we are to dress “modestly with propriety.” The original Greek word for propriety according to Strong’s Greek Lexicon means with bashfulness. Thayer’s Greek Lexicon says it means having a sense of shame. Our wardrobe Consultant is telling us that there are some types of clothing we should be embarrassed to wear. Then He tells us that we should dress with moderation. The original word there means with soundness of mind. It means sensibly or with discretion. The Consultant is giving us some guidelines, but he wants us to use the good sense He has given us to be certain our clothes match our profession of godliness.

Jesus made an amazing statement in Matthew 5:28. He said that when a man looks at a woman to lust for her, he has already committed adultery in his heart. Understanding that adultery is a work of the flesh and those who practice this sin cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven (Gal.5:19-21), the seriousness of this statement cannot be overemphasized. But Jesus was talking about sin that happens in the heart of a guy. What does that have to do with the way a girl dresses? Let’s examine that question.

A few years ago my husband was teaching a class of high school boys at a large summer camp. He asked the guys this question: “What is your most difficult temptation as you try to be like Christ this week?” The unanimous answer was “It’s the way the girls dress.” When asked to elaborate the young men explained that “it’s really hard to concentrate on the devotional talk when a girl comes in and sits down in front of you on the bleachers and you can see her exposed lower back and maybe even her underwear.” They explained that tight clothing, low-cut tops, clothing that sometimes exposes a girl’s middle, and short skirts were all great distractions as they tried to keep their minds focused on God’s Will and avoid the sin of lust.

Sometimes girls who profess godliness may be unaware of the effect of immodest dress on the thinking of guys around them. But that’s why God’s Word instructs older women to teach younger women to be chaste and discreet (Titus 2:3-5). That’s what I’m hoping to do in this chapter. It is simply a proven biological fact that normal men are far more visually oriented than women. To put it bluntly, normal men are naturally excited, both physically and psychologically by a scantily dressed woman. That’s why Jesus’ statement about looking and lusting was addressed to men. Christ was, by implication, commanding guys to guard their eyes in order to maintain purity of thought.

But does that mean women bear no responsibility in helping our brothers (as well as men, in general) abstain from fleshly lusts? Of course not! If you were walking through a room full of nitroglycerin with someone you love, would you light a candle? Christian guys in America today are navigating a treacherous path. There are visual temptations all around…at the beach, the mall, at school and at the movies. Guys who are guarding their thoughts have to learn to look the other way a lot. But fellow disciples should be part of the solution, not part of the problem. If I am really about helping my brothers go to heaven, I will be less concerned about what is fashionable, what makes me look good, or what is comfortable (those things are all selfish wardrobe factors), and more concerned about helping my brother avoid temptation. In this way, my clothing will match! What I am wearing will coordinate perfectly with what I am saying: “I am a Christian and I want to do all I can to avoid anything that wars against my soul or the souls of others” (I Peter 2:11). Friends don’t tempt friends to sin.

And a word of wisdom to the guys: As you make your dating decisions, make it easy on yourself. Choose girls who look the part. If you want to end up marrying a faithful Christian,—someone who will help you go to heaven—then date girls who dress to reflect godliness. In our society, a young woman who consistently dresses modestly is making quite a statement. She is saying “I want to be Christ-like even if it means making unpopular choices.”

When God’s People Get Together, Good Things Happen!

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 29-08-2010

Category : Bless Your Heart

Tags: Announcements, Modesty, PTP, Purity, Women, Youth

Okay, so the Proverbs writer says of the virtuous woman, “Her candle goeth not out by night,” but really, a few of us have been taking the verse to its literal extreme lately. It’s so very exciting when there are so many great things to be doing in the Kingdom, that it’s hard to take the time to sleep. Sleeping is sometimes underrated, though, and so tonight, as I write, I am going to make it short and sweet and, perhaps, even a bit incoherent as I relay some necessary info and some wishes to whom they may concern.

For those of you who are going to Polishing the Pulpit, I wish you safe travels, open hearts and God’s richest blessings of renewal as you go to the conference that has changed and enriched many lives in the relatively short time it’s been around. In fact, the indirect good done by the program is really quite inestimable, since every participant goes home to influence someone with the information learned and many go home to influence hundreds. I’m grateful to all those who work so hard to make this happen. Just today I have communicated with a couple of people in the PTP office, the people who are working so hard to make the children’s program so effective, a couple of the speakers, and several who are attending at great personal sacrifice. Could I just say you are encouraging me tremendously? So I’m turning all my wishes into prayers tonight for the ultimate good to come from our being together and the greatest filled potential when we all get back home. (And I cannot wait to hear you all singing!) For those who may not be going this year, but are interested in learning more, check out www.polishingthepulpit.com.

For those of you who are coming to the West Huntsville Purity Day, get your reservations in if you haven’t already. We are very pleased that we seem to have surpassed the 400 mark already and we are still getting reservations. A few of the most frequently asked questions:

What ages are invited to this event? All ages of girls and women are invited. We are planning a class for all younger girls during the second session, which will be a more in-depth discussion of sexual purity, so feel free to bring your younger girls. Moms and mentors will decide who goes where during that session. And we do want moms and mentors to be there!
Do girls who have signed up for housing need to bring sleeping bags? We are putting adults in beds first and then as many girls as possible, but, to be on the safe side, sleeping bags for teens and below are recommended. If you want to call, though, before you leave, we will let you know how it’s looking for your group. It’s hard to know, for sure, since the reservations are still coming in.
Is there a charge for any of this? No. Everything is free. We will have t-shirts (They are really pretty.) on hand for those who might want to purchase them. There will also be some books related to our theme that you may purchase.
Can I go online and register for this event? Yes. You may let us know on the facebook event: West Huntsville Purity Day. If you do this, be sure and leave contact info or message your contact info to me.
We are coming a long way. Will there be any housing for Saturday night? Yes. If you do need housing for Saturday night, just be sure and let us know. You would be welcome to stay and worship with us at 9:00 am on Sunday or start your drive home and worship on the way. (We do have a great preacher, though. =)

This was not short. “Short” is not in my nature. And sleep is still a long way off for me, too. Hope to see you at one or both of these events. God bless you!

Does the Word Look Good on You?

Q and A: Should I enroll my six-year-old in ballet?

Questions and Answers: Situational Modesty

Questions and Answers: What about Attire for Worship?

Friends Don’t Tempt Friends

When God’s People Get Together, Good Things Happen!

Search:

Subscribe:

Shopping Cart:

Schedule:

Does the Word Look Good on You?

Q and A: Should I enroll my six-year-old in ballet?

Questions and Answers: Situational Modesty

Questions and Answers: What about Attire for Worship?

Friends Don’t Tempt Friends

When God’s People Get Together, Good Things Happen!

Search:

Subscribe:

Shopping Cart:

Schedule:

Most Popular Topics: