The Colley House » Modesty

Titus and Facebook

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 25-04-2013

Category : Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Recently, several women have asked questions (worded in all kinds of ways) about Christian women, facebook, modesty and discretion. Questions like “Do you think we should be publicly posting things about the color of our underwear?”… “What do you think about these pregnancy photos of bare tummies?” …”My friend takes photos of personal tattoos and posts on facebook…”…”Do you really think women need to talk about bra sizes in a public forum?”

Well, first off, let me say that I think, in almost every instance, when these questions are brought to me, that women are probably not looking for answers as much as they are looking for back-up support on a position they already hold. After all, there are lots of people you could ask and most probably already know what I’m going to say about discretion and purposeful chastity. And those who want an opposing view could always ask Lady GaGa or, in most instances, their next door neighbors. Of course I am going to say I believe we should refrain from talking about subjects that bring pictures of women in underwear, or less, to mind. But just because you already knew what I would say doesn’t mean there’s not some logic/scripture in back of my judgment.

Three words in Titus 2:3-5 come to mind quickly when I think about facebook and “underwear talk”. The words, in English are “discreet”, “chaste” and “good.” The first of these words has to do with having passions fully under control, and thinking rightly… judging passions the way they, in reality, are in their effects. The second has to do with purity of heart and life. The third has to do with just what you would think…being good to the core. These are things that older women are to be teaching younger women. The reason given is pretty important: that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Such a powerful motivator for teaching makes me really want to be sure I do it, if given the chance. So, let me clearly say, I believe, we should take great care in public (and facebook is pretty public) to be sure we are extremely protective of purity, particularly purity of thought. I do believe that “underwear talk” or “tattoo pics” can tempt men who may run across such on their news feeds to impurity of thought and possibly, for those tempted by pornography, to impure actions. Is such a sin on the part of a man the fault of the one who posted the comment? No. It is his fault. He will give an account for that sin. But what woman, who wants to please the father, would seriously want to have any part in that temptation? Not me. Not you either. And then comes the question, why? Why would I risk impure effects of a posting when it’s just so simple to NOT post.

And then there’s the teaching of I Timothy 2: 9,10. Modesty is really called into question when I start posting about my shower or my undergarments or my tattoos. Am I drawing attention to my physical self in a way that may violate the principle of “having the ability to blush,” as is the literal meaning of the KJV word “shamefacedness” in that passage? My opinion is yes. Perhaps lots of us, starting with me, need to reexamine our postings and be sure they are not self-serving in an even larger sense…not boastful or self gratifying.

Perhaps just asking a few questions before I hit that post button on that picture or comment will help:

Will this, or can this, harm anyone spiritually?
Does this sound boastful or self serving?
Am I ashamed for the Lord to read this?
Would it be uncomfortable for one of my elders in the church to comment to me about this next Sunday?
If the answer to any of the above is “yes”, do I have to post this?

For me, I want all of the answers to be “no”. Facebook is a social network. Social means “interacting with community.” May all of our interactions with community as His women be unquestionably good, chaste and discreet. If I would be uncomfortable saying it to ANYone at all, may I be uncomfortable posting it…because posting is just like saying it to EVERYone!

And besides, God is just so good to daily load us with benefits. Facebook is a great avenue through which we may glorify the Father. So many really good things to post…so little time!

FHU Cheerleaders Will Wear Cheer Pants Next Year

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 25-02-2013

Category : Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Tags: "In the news", Modesty

The announcement made by Dr. Joe Wiley, University President, last week in a “Town Hall” meeting on the campus of Freed-Hardeman University merits kudos in this blog conversation and anywhere Christian women are concerned about the available choices of higher Christian education for our college-bound high school graduates among churches of Christ.

I contacted Dr. Wiley to verify the accuracy of his statement to the students and he said the following: “Yes, two weeks ago I directed our athletic director to increase the scholarship level for our cheerleaders and inform the cheerleader coach that they would wear cheer pants next year.”

May I just say that this kind of concern for modesty is unheard-of in recent years in any of our universities? May I add that I am extremely proud of Dr. Wiley and FHU for making plans to insure that the cheerleaders, who, along with the ball teams, are the “face” of FHU as they host athletic events on campus and travel to other campuses, are distinctively modest in dress?

You may not view this decision as such a “big deal.” Aren’t cheer uniforms a relatively small thing, considering the many departments, decisions and directions of a University? Let me tell you why I think this is a “big deal.”

I’m a proud alumnus of Freed-Hardeman. I am thoroughly convinced that its academic programs are among the best of our Christian universities. I am most proud of the spiritual environment at FHU, much of which I credit to the influence of a Bible faculty that is second to none among our colleges. I encourage students regularly to attend Freed Hardeman and work with the FHU Associates as well as with a private foundation to secure scholarship funds for students to attend FHU.

For years, though, it has been difficult for me to be consistent as I teach on women’s spiritual issues such as discretion (Titus 2:3-5) and modesty (I Timothy 2:9,10), while encouraging moms to send their students to Freed-Hardeman. Moms have sometimes suggested that I am sending a contradictory message when I teach their girls to make good decisions about modest clothing, while promoting FHU, even as these moms were seeing immodest cheerleading uniforms in photos on the website and on facebook. I am very happy to say that this “cheerleader” controversy will no longer be a problem of inconsistency for me.

But it’s bigger than that. I’m very thankful for this decision because its enforcement shouts a good message from that campus in Henderson, Tennessee. It says, “Even if the whole world is doing something that violates a Biblical principle, we still don’t have to do it.” It says that Biblical principles still mean something at FHU. It makes me believe that Dr. Wiley and others who may be responsible for this change are more concerned about adhering to standards that promote purity than adhering to standards of the cultural norm.

I’m very thankful for this decision because it is unusual. Have you ever noticed that institutional standards– in companies, schools and even in homes–have a way of easily sliding from the stricter end of the spectrum to the “looser” or less conservative end, but rarely ever does it happen in the reverse? Generally speaking, once a moral standard has been loosened, the regulation is never regained. It’s just difficult to reinstate a stricter policy, no matter how good it is, after it has been changed in the direction of leniency. To see FHU go in a difficult, but godly direction is a very refreshing thing.

Next fall, there will be a noticeable difference in the clothing worn on the sidelines of the ballgames at Freed-Hardeman. It will be noticeably different from recent years at the university. But it will also very likely be noticeably different from that worn at Faulkner, Harding, Lipscomb, Abilene or Oklahoma Christian. It will be distinctive in a very good way. I believe there are a lot of distinctive families remaining in the body of Christ who will take note and be positively impressed. I believe there are some families who will be influenced to send their children to FHU when they notice this seemingly small, but yet very public difference.

I believe that there are many of you who are parents of students, grandparents of students, potential friends of and donors to Freed-Hardeman University who would love to thank Dr. Wiley for this new policy. I have already done this. If you would like to do so, you may contact him at one of the following addresses. Let’s make these letters encouraging. Though there may be some other policy that you would like to see changed at the university, let’s not make these letters reflect our dissatisfaction. Let’s make these letters be notes of appreciation for a policy of which we can be proud. When it is time to say something good, let’s do it!

Once, while our daughter Hannah was a student at FHU, she invited a non-Christian friend to watch the homecoming game with her. This young man looked over at the cheering squad and commented to Hannah, “But I thought you told me this was a Christian school….So why are they dressed like that?” Our son and several other male students have commented to me that they were hesitant to attend the basketball games because of the scanty cheer uniforms. I am very thankful this day has passed. May God bless Freed-Hardeman University. May we all realize that, while we enjoy and benefit from athletic programs, principles of modesty, morality, and spirituality are far more important than the games.

Now here are the addresses. I hope you will take the time to send your kudos! It would also be a great time to send your contribution, large or small. (But even if you can’t contribute, let him hear from you!) Go Lions!

Dr. Joe Wiley, President
Freed-Hardeman University
158 East Main Street
Henderson, Tennessee 38340

jwiley@fhu.edu

The World “Gets It”

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 07-06-2012

Category : Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Tags: Modesty

I’ve thought a lot lately about how there are some things that seem obvious to people of the world, but somehow elude people of the Kingdom (or at least we sometimes act as if they do). If you listen to the radio, it won’t be long until you hear a song about a man buying a woman a drink to weaken her defenses, yet there are those in the church who refuse to admit that social drinking leads to sinful behaviors. The movie industry is subjected to a ratings system that “strongly cautions” parents about movie content, but I routinely see “Christian” parents ignoring those warnings and purchasing the tickets for their children to see those movies.

Another example of the admission of truth by the world, while it is often ignored by the people of God, is in the way we view immodest dress. Recently, some pretty potent words were included in a speech given at the Nashville Lads to Leaders Convention by Song Nicholas. In order to make her point, Song dressed in a low-cut top and a short skirt in that room full of girls. Here is a portion of her speech:

And we might need to look at our looks. But, you say, God doesn’t look at our outward appearance; He looks at our hearts. That’s true. But in 1 Timothy 2:9, God makes it clear that I need to work to make sure that my dress reflects the godliness that is inside. Look at me. Are my looks consistent with my message? Could I look at Jesus and honestly say, I believe this outfit reflects my godliness? (By the way, I only put this outfit together after I got here with just us girls). Let’s don’t cop out on the modesty command by acting dumb as if we don’t understand what immodesty is and does. The world gets it! Think about music. The song “Starstruck” that features Katy Perry says “low-cut, see-through shirts that make you want to whistle.” I looked up the video and the entire clip features 2 guys dreaming of girls in low-cut tops. California Girls describes “Daisy Dukes.” Then it says, “The boys break their necks to get a little sneak peak at us.” Tim McGraw’s song, “Something Like That” says, “You were killing me in that mini-skirt.” He wasn’t talking about a literal murder. The world admits that immodesty causes guys to lust. Why don’t honest Christian girls admit the same? With just a little extra work, sometimes shopping, and sometimes just by layering, I can get rid of the tight jeans, low tops, mini-skirts, and Nike shorts. I know this is a room full of girls who want to be what God wants us to be….Lets not focus on being hottest, but on being modest.

I love the fact that Song, aged 14, at the time of this speech, was honest in examining the issue of scanty clothing from the popular media’s point of view. The entertainment industry inundates the media with provocative clothing and lyrics about it. But at least those lyrics are generally transparent. They are not hiding the fact that scanty clothes excite the male mind. The industry admits it! It’s most often parents, even those who wear the name “Christian” who love to have the blinders on about revealing clothing or lack thereof. I don’t hear moms saying, “Let’s go shopping and buy something that makes the guys whistle,” yet that’s often what they buy. I don’t hear dads verbally encouraging any guys to try and get any sneak peeks at their daughters, but they encourage them just the same when they allow their daughters to move seductively in front of the crowd at the basketball game while dressed in scanty cheer uniforms. I don’t hear any “Christian” teen girls say “I think I’ll go kill him in this mini-skirt.” That’s just not what we say. But what are we thinking? We learn what the world is thinking when we listen to popular lyrics. Just what are WE thinking?

Does the Word Look Good on You?

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 17-11-2011

Category : Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Tags: Guest Writer, Modesty, Women

I was recently asked by a friend to read some blog posts on the subject of modesty and offer my judgment about their teaching and tone. Below is an excerpt from those posts which were written by Debbie Heck:

To the Sweet Young Girls in my Life,

Yes, this post is just to the girls. Specifically to some young girlfriends of mine. I love you very much. I am constantly impressed by your kindness, your deep love for others, your caring example in looking to the needs of others, your desire to please the LORD. Your faithfulness in attending services. I LOVE YOU!!!But you, like me, are not perfect. I have my struggles and you have yours. I know one of those struggles put upon all of us is the pressure to conform to the world. The pressure to buy into the foolish idea that you must win a fella by your outward beauty and by showing off your lovely young figures. Sweet friends of mine, please do not buy that lie Satan is trying to sell you. Please look to His word for His idea of modesty. Do a word study on articles of clothing. Please do not come to church again (or anywhere else) in short dresses or with ANY cleavage showing, with skin tight T~shirts stretched tightly across your chests. Wearing a see through lacy undershirt under your too low cut t~shirt does not make your outfit modest. It draws the eyes right to an area of your body that is CREATED to be seen by ONLY your husband. It’s for your future husband’s pleasure some day, and for nursing whatever sweet babies God may give you (if you choose to do so). It’s not for my sons to view (unless one day they are your husbands…and right now they AREN’T). It pleases that old liar, the devil, and he couldn’t be happier that you have been caught in his trap. It saddens and angers our LORD, who continually warns us to be READY. To remain PURE. To stand fast always. To be watching for HIS return..

Your own dear mommas or grandmommas may not stop you. They may not have the Bible knowledge themselves. They may be thankful that you are improving in your dress, and be afraid to push you a bit farther to where you need to be. But sweet girls, immodesty is a sin. Immodesty can not only cause you to be lost, but others to stumble as well– other girls, because they see YOU as a good Christian girl and think it’s o.k. to dress like you are dressing, and boys because they can’t help but stare…and imagine. They are not bad boys. I am a woman, and I can’t help but see, and males are just more visually affected. That’s how God created them. That’s why it’s COMMANDED that as women we adorn ourselves in modest apparel. There will be a time when you get to bare all. It will be right, good, pure, wonderful, complete happiness…in your Christian marriages. But for now, keep those beautiful, lovely bodies covered up. Keep it a mystery and just shine with your beautiful smiles, your beautiful actions, your beautiful modest clothing.

I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!!! I look forward to spending more time on this earth with you. You light up a room just by your very presence. I look forward to spending eternity with you, sweet girls. Will you please think about these things? Will you please be willing to die to self, and follow the LORD and His will even though it’s hard. Will you please try to have a humble heart and not be angered by this note to YOU? Will you please be brave and post this on your own page to encourage your own dear friends?

Have a super day my sweet young encouraging friends! Big warm hugs to all of you!

Love,Debbie

After reading the letter above and realizing there have been some who took issue with its content, I offer the following response. I hope it can plant a seed or encourage a soldier. In fact, God can do anything, so I’ll go ahead and hope Debbie’s words or mine will make a positive and practical difference in some mother’s example of modesty or in some teen girl’s closet or dresser drawer. Here’s what I think:

I know that my weighing in on the subject of modesty really makes no difference. What’s important is the Will of God for our lives and how we respond to that revealed will. There’s a clarion call for modest dress in I Timothy 2:9,10. The words are “modest” (not calling attention to oneself), “shamefacedness” (retaining the ability to blush with embarrassment) and “sobriety” (seriousness, viewing things the way they really are.) The way things really are today is that approximately eight out of ten of our boys struggle with a pornography problem when they graduate from high school. These boys are our brothers. They are family members. They sit beside us and our kids in worship. We are related through the blood of the Savior. Can we honestly say we are loyal to that cross when we know of a very effective way to contribute to their purity of heart and we, because of a desire to be comfortable, stylish or to fit in, choose (either purposefully or because of a lack of sober thinking) to be the “eye candy” that may divert a man’s thinking from purity to lust? “It must needs be that offenses come, but woe to the one through whom they come. It would be better for a millstone to be hung around the neck of the one who causes one of these little ones to stumble, and that he be cast into the bottom of the sea.” (Have you seen a millstone?…I would encourage you to google a millstone and it will take just a sec for you to realize that you would not want to be tied to one in the bottom of the sea!) Girlfriends, it is very possible to partake (have a part in) somebody else’s sin (I Tim. 5:22).

Now, about what Mrs. Debbie wrote…To be sure, only a woman knows definitively the motives of her own heart (I Corinthians 2:11). But, as a sister looking at the writings of another sister, may I just say that I can hardly see how her teachings could be construed as anything other than what older women are COMMANDED to be teaching in Titus 2. It’s not merely a good idea or even a suggestion that we teach the tenets of Titus 2:3-5. It’s a command and the reason given is so that the Word of God will not be blasphemed. It is my strong judgment that, had older women not taken a hiatus from teaching the principles of Titus 2 for about 30 years, that there would be no objection, no lashing out against such teaching, no such “blasphemy” against the Word as we regularly witness when teaching about chastity and discretion in our classes, in our writings and in our ladies’ and girls’ days today. Frankly, I am very glad for anyone, like Mrs. Debbie, who will help make up for lost time!

I know that my opinion weighs no more than any human one…nothing at all. But the Words of the Bible will judge me in the last day. “Whoso looks on a woman to lust after her commits adultery in his own heart”…”That the women adorn themselves in modest apparel with shamefacedness and sobriety as women professing good works.”… “Whoso causes one…to stumble…it would be better for that person to have a millstone about [her] neck and to be cast into the sea.” Do I really want to argue about why it’s okay for me to wear the low cut dress or wear the shorts or the short skirt or the see-through top or the tight leggings under a minimal dress or shirt? Maybe I’ve listened with my husband to too many men describe the pain of pornography in their homes. Maybe I’ve been privy to too many adulterous relationships that had their small beginnings in church related activities. Maybe I’ve listened to my son tell me he’s decided not to ask a girl out because he just thinks her dress is not going to help him get to heaven–too many times. Maybe it’s my husband’s classes with young men who often tell him the very most difficult obstacle to faithful Christianity that they face in this world is the way girls dress. Maybe it’s the combination of all these things. But each time one of these things is brought to my attention, I have to stop and think: “How is the Word of God looking to the World when the wardrobe choices of many of those who claim to be Christians mirror the look of street walkers, at worst, and average women of the ungodly world, at best? I believe the result is the one Paul warned Timothy about in the relevant passage: blasphemy of that sacred Word.

I have a tender spot in my heart for women who read Titus 2 and I Timothy 2 and seriously attempt to call women in an undressed society to modesty. We will make mistakes sometimes in our approach to the subject. We will make enemies, though unintentionally, when we cross the grain of the culture in such a blatantly Biblical way. We will be imperfect vessels of His truth. But I, for one, will not be found silent. The command is too clear and the price of silence may be pain and sorrow in this life as the short precursor to eternal loss. I love simple preventive measures when the potential ruin is so unimaginably final, yet never-ending. I hope your response to those who are willing to step out of a comfort zone and take the message of modesty to precious girls in hopes of guarding their happiness and protecting the equally precious boys from sin will be one of gratitude. But, if you can’t muster that, may it at least be one of tolerance.

Q and A: Should I enroll my six-year-old in ballet?

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 22-08-2011

Category : Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Tags: Modesty, Parenting, Questions and Answers

Question:

I know how busy you are and I hope you have time to read this and can maybe give me a little input. Anyway, we have not enrolled our girls in any type of dance class, mostly for my fear of it leading into immodesty. My 6 year old has begged to take ballet for years now. When people ask her if she takes, she answers, “no cause mom said its bad”-which is not what I said. Some of her friends take, and many of the girls in the church take lessons. I have begun to second guess myself when I see some of those who are strong and faithful enrolling their children. I also think about them being little and my being able to make sure they aren’t being taught inappropriate moves. So, I have begun thinking maybe it isn’t such a bad idea. And then I’m afraid if I do, friends who I have had discussions about the fear of it leading to immodesty with will consider me a hypocrite (Their children take dance), although, I don’t think changing my view makes me a hypocrite. So, I thought I would solicit your opinion, and I began by reading your Q&A your blog from Dec 2009 (I think). If tap and ballet aren’t wrong for a child modestly dressed and no male touching….then are they o.k. for a teenager/adult? I gathered from your blog that they wouldn’t be wrong under those circumstances. What would you consider modest dress for the little one in ballet? Do you have any other Ideas to share on this topic? I do apologize if this sounds silly. We want to make the best decisions for our family. When confused, I feel it best to turn to someone wise and knowledgeable. I look forward to your response.

-Lynn

Response:

Well, first let me say I think you are VERY wise to say no at age six. That was our course with Hannah. I know a little girl whose parents said yes when she was little and she was extremely good at it. To make a long story short, she became so good at it that, when it was time for her to go to college, she was accepted at an exclusive arts university in NYC and so, instead of going to a Christian university where she would have encouragement and suitable marriage choices, she went to NY and put herself in an awful environment because she could not stand to turn down this offer which came with much acclaim. Her sweet grandmother would tell you NO…a thousand times NO. But here is the way I look at it. If this is just a phase, then she will quickly pass through it and be interested in something else. (I would probably go ahead and start a keeper’s club or something way more productive and she can be a leader instead of a follower in that endeavor.) If, on the other hand, it is something for which she has a great propensity for achievement and success, then you are going to run into trouble down the road with moves and immodesty. (I’m really sure about that.) Either way, to put her in such a program seems a waste to me. Having said that, at six, I do not think you are sinning to put her in and I will not fault you. I rather think you are opening the door to some pretty big temptations later. I do not think even a swimsuit on a six year old is immodest. I do not think traditional ballet moves for her would be immodest. I do think drawing the line later will be difficult. And I thinks, as she progresses in such a program there may be dangers to her little soul. These are my thoughts. They may seem extreme, BUT, it seems to me that the moms in your congregation may be pigeon-holing their daughters into one particular activity that has some risks when there is a huge big world of choices out there for creative moms. Love you for wanting to make the best choice!

Questions and Answers: Situational Modesty

Posted by Web Admin | Posted on 21-03-2011

Category : Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Tags: Modesty, Questions and Answers

Question: Some seem to have strong convictions about modesty, but then when it comes time for a wedding, the attire that would be inappropriate in their minds for most occasions, seems to be perfectly acceptable? What gives?

Response: Well, this does seem to be a bit of a rhetorical question. I would be surprised if the questor doesn’t already have a fairly strong opinion about situational modesty. But, nevertheless, let me just take the time and space today to say that, of course, what’s too skimpy, tight, short or revealing under other circumstances is certainly so at a wedding. It has always blown my mind that some young ladies who are big on dressing modestly throughout the teen years have been willing to show cleavage, bare shoulders and/or naked backs when they are the center of attention as the bride in front of so many men just a little while before they are to give themselves to their husbands in the most intimate and holy relationship between two mortal people. I think if I’d had the discretion to cover myself in other situations when the world was undressing, I would want to stay covered just a little while more, till I could present my body to the man who would own it for the rest of our lives together (I Cor. 7:4). I would want to show that man this respect during the wedding ceremony.

And then it also seems that some in the audience at a wedding are comfortable wearing, on that Saturday evening, outfits that are skimpier than anything they would wear the next morning to worship services. I believe that we sadly give the nod to what is culturally correct rather than what is chaste and discreet as commanded in Titus 2.

I think I get more mail about immodest clothing than any other subject I ever address. Two observations come to mind when I think about the interest in this subject. One is that we seem to be constantly asking “How close to immodesty can I get without actually crossing the line into disobedience to the injunction in I Timothy 2?” The other is that as our culture moves more and more toward culturally accepted nakedness, we, as God’s people seem to be comfortable following so long as we stay a little behind the world in our movement into immodesty. Both of these observations make me want to shout the words of Romans 12:2.

Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.

Titus and Facebook

FHU Cheerleaders Will Wear Cheer Pants Next Year

The World “Gets It”

Does the Word Look Good on You?

Q and A: Should I enroll my six-year-old in ballet?

Questions and Answers: Situational Modesty

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FHU Cheerleaders Will Wear Cheer Pants Next Year

The World “Gets It”

Does the Word Look Good on You?

Q and A: Should I enroll my six-year-old in ballet?

Questions and Answers: Situational Modesty

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