Browsing Tag

Humor

Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

I failed to see the humor.

Posted on June 17, 2024

I could not stop laughing when reading this Celine Sparks article to Glenn… I. Could. NOT! (You should read it here! https://www.celinesparks.com/post/the-day-ai-went-to-the-grocery-store) Glenn said it’s good that I don’t have any stitches right now or I would have busted them. He said my problem is that I can see Celine doing all this. My other problem is I’m one of the rest of us…who has done every single one of these things, but failed to find the humor.

I failed to find it just last night. At Dollar General, just before closing, I first thought “I don’t need a buggy.” But then I saw that sale table…”Well, I might need one.” Little did I know that there was barely even room for me to squeeze through the aisles without  a buggy, And then, on one of those aisles that has 15 palates of new merchandise ready to be placed on the shelves that are currently completely hidden by said tarp-covered stacks of all the stuff you can’t find on the shelves if you can even find the shelves, I met one of my neighbors. Trying to get out of her way, I jammed my toe right into some bolt or screw or something on the bottom of that buggy and it sliced right into my little toe. Who does stuff like that? Embarrassed, I tried to masque the horrific pain and keep smiling at my neighbors and act like I was NOT writhing and jumping up and down and shouting on my insides.

After moving to another fat-man’s-squeeze kind of aisle, I finally looked down to assess the damage and there was blood all over my sandal. I just kept smiling and nodding as my neighbors chatted. I’d just come, in the first place, to get Colleyanna an Ace bandage for that little sprain before she left for camp, At least I was on the right aisle for bandages, gauze and pain medication, for which I was rapidly recognizing a need. When I finally got to the counter, the cashier guy came in from his smoke break to check me out, rung up my items and only then did I realize I didn’t have my credit card or even one penny to my name.

I had to call Glenn to come to the Dollar General with his wallet. I’ve hated doing that, or a similar thing, to that man all the many times it’s been necessary through the years. (He was nice, but then he HAD to be nice when I interrupted his quiet sermon prep for a lesson on great fathers, husbands and family protectors.) That cashier guy said “You re calling your husband!? Well, where is he?” He canceled out my order and went back outside to try to take another drag . I wondered what was taking so long for Glenn to come–long enough for me to read a whole article about William and Kate in the People magazine and ponder about how Kate had probably never had to call William to the Dollar General. Glenn wheeled in there, and joined the effort to get that cashier to kick the habit, 1/2 cigarette at the time. The guy put his cigarette out again, came in, unloaded every item from the bag and re-scanned each one, while my little piggy that cried all the way home (like me) just kept bleeding profusely. I wanted to wrap that toe up so badly, but then you can’t open the bandaids and gauze until you pay for them. And Glenn just kept going. “Do you think your card is at home somewhere? When did you last have it?”

I said “It might be in the lake. I think I had it in my pocket there.” Glenn was putting his helmet back on (He’d come on his little scooter.) when he suddenly said “WAIT! YOU ARE BLEEDING!?”

Well, I did not see any humor at any point. I did not see it all day today. I could not wear a shoe on that foot. I have blood all over the insole of my Birkenstock knock-offs. We’re speaking at three different summer camps this week and it’s not looking good for tennis shoes,  while trying to play Gaga ball.. (It’s not looking good for Birkenstock knock-offs, either.) I failed to see the humor. Tonight I read Celine’s post and I REALLY have not laughed that hard in ages.

Celine and I are sisters. Glenn said ” Wonder how come one of you turned out like Celine?” What he’s really thinking is …”and the other one of you turned out to have constantly interrupted conversations between the brain and the body appendages?…the other one of you can’t keep up with squat?…the other one of you can go to the store for one little bandage and end up with a massive toe hemorrhage?”

Not funny. But I love laughing at Celine.

Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

“Martha, Martha”… “Cindy, Cindy”

Posted on August 21, 2019

Yes, this really happened. I was launching into a very full week of PTP speaking and my early Saturday lecture was about Mary and Martha. I had this in my heart already. I am going to really do my best to make those ladies understand that there are moments in life when we really just need to be quiet and persevere.

So I ventured, with all the boldness and volume I could muster, into a few preparatory remarks. I was rolling, when the door behind me, with a loud clanging noise burst wide open and the tech guy came running in, waving his hand across the front of his neck and shouting at the top of his lungs “CUT!!!” You had better believe I did. Silence enveloped the room and my sweet Kathy Carroll, tech-pro extraordinaire came and whispered to me  that tech was tangled and my voice had been projecting loudly into the men’s session in another ballroom.

I remained extremely silent until I was positive that the problem had been remedied and, wires uncrossed, then proceeded, though trying to summon the same bold projection was challenging. We laughed and rolled with it.

So later in the day, Glenn and I were walking to the car to go get some lunch. He was telling me about some conversations with various people through the morning and I said “You won’t believe what happened in my session…”, to which he responded…

“Oh I know exactly what happened.”

I said, “Oh dear…”

He said “I was up on the stage and had just uttered the words “Let us bow.” I opened my mouth to pray and your voice came blaring, full volume, through that sound system….You just brought that elders’ session to a very abrupt halt. Your son was standing beside me about to take the microphone and deliver the lecture, when the tech fellow just started sprinting across the front of that auditorium. When we finally got you out of that room the technician said, ‘I’m sorry, Caleb. I wish I could give you that time back, but, well…your mom.'”

What are the chances that my voice would be projecting over at that exact moment in that exact room with these TWO exact people on the stage? Only at PTP. We’ve come a long way since that first year in which we had a women’s session for the twelve or so of us who came with our husbands. But it’s been a journey of counting blessings and counting people…up to 5249. Two of my very closest friends have had daughters who became convicted by the pure gospel in this sweet setting. Many women have told me that PTP has provided the glue for a broken marriage, the will to never give up in a troubled time, the strength for a severe health trial, or the wisdom for a parenting crisis. For me personally, PTP is a great motivator. There’s not a time in the year when I’m not mentally storing things away for this golden mountaintop time. I pray that you are finding it everything you need for the other seasons of your year. Take the time to write a note of thanks to the elders of the Jacksonville church. They are at 329 Nisbet Street, NW. Jacksonville, AL 36265.

 

 

Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

12 Shirts and 9 Tumblers. Last Call!…(and Funny Sophie)

Posted on October 6, 2016

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Update: just one small shirt left. all others are shipped or shipping today! a few tumblers still available.

To my dismay, one of the Digging Deep shirt orders apparently got lost in the cyber-shuffle and I had no extras on hand in that particular size. I love Digging Deep. I really love this sweet friend who’s missing a shirt and I’m crazy about closing circles. SO we reordered shirts one last time. The minimum I could purchase was 12, so I now have a dozen shirts on hand. These really are the last ones, so I’m not going to put them on the website. They are still $12.00 each and if you get one or more, please just send 12 dollars per shirt, plus whatever actual shipping appears on the outside of the package, when you receive it. (This is the honor system, obviously.) The first folks to claim them at this email address—byhcontest@gmail.com–will get the shirts. Just be sure and tell me what size(s) you need today and I will mail them out this week. Be sure to also include your mailing address. I will post here and on my Facebook page when they are all gone. Apologies in advance if you email me and they are already claimed. I’ll just go by emails in order received.

14207621_10210983276762580_3752320509305895901_oThey are Comfort Colors brand shirts and these are the sizes I have: one small shirt, four medium shirts, five large shirts, and two extra-large shirts. I also have nine tumblers left. Let me know if you want a tumbler. They are $9 each, plus actual shipping, while they last. IMG_0784 (5)

Digging Deep study guides are available at any time and the free download is also available at www.thecolleyhouse.org. For those who are thinking about doing the study, let me encourage you to dig in. It’s easy to combine the September study with the October one and you’ll be all caught up with the group. The next podcast will be on October 18th at 7 CST.

On another note, my early-elementary friend, Sophie, was having a conversation with her mom about math on the way home from her homeschool co-op. Sophie’s mom was trying to get Sophie to understand a concept they had studied at school that day. Little Sophie stopped her mom in the middle of the explanation and said “Can we just wait and talk about this when we get to heaven?”

Sophie’s mom responded, “But why would I talk to you about math in heaven?”

Sophie’s reply?… “Well, you know, we sing about how we will understand it better by and by…. I just think I might understand it better then.”

I knew you would enjoy that! Have a great weekend!

Bless Your Heart by Cindy Colley

Sister to Sister: Another Chance (Part 2)

Posted on September 3, 2015

coffee cups bees starbucks selective coloring 2048x1296 wallpaper_www.animalhi.com_74…And then there was this day in early August.

It was a rainy day, but it promised to be a good day. I was on my way to pick up Maria for a Bible study. I had prayed that her heart would be open, that my words would be clear and translated correctly and that she would obey the sweet gospel. As I traveled over Chapman Mountain I thought about how I was hungry and that I could drink a latte while studying, just to tide me over till lunch. But then I thought I should also call Emily and Bonny and bring everyone else a drink, too. But I cannot think about two things at one time, so I missed my turn. Running late by now, I knew I would have to just apologize to the girls and skip the coffee.

So I pulled into Maria’s driveway and out popped Jerry and asked me if it would be okay if he wore “these shorts to church”. Jerry is a family member who is about thirty years old, but due to an accident earlier in his life, has suffered brain damage. He talks incessantly and without reason. I knew studying with him in the room would be a fiasco, so I  explained that this was just a Bible study and that maybe he might want to wait for another time when there would be a class. But he REALLY wanted to come and, in actuality, he HAD to come because there were others at home who could not be left alone with him. Although not responsible for his actions, Jerry was capable of harm to others. I moved things around on the back seat behind me and made a place for Him. But my heart started pounding and, as I backed out of the drive, I was afraid. I had tried to call my husband, while he ran back in the house for shoes, but there was not enough time.

So, as I drove down their street, I texted Glenn: “Please come to building ASAP. I have a crazy man in the car with me.” I later learned that Glenn read the text while discussing business with another preacher on the phone.

“I have an emergency,” he said. “I have to go.” And he did…in his dirty, work-in-the-yard blue jeans and with unshaven face, he bolted out the door. But he forgot to text back that he was coming. I drove along without saying a word. The sweet lady beside me could not communicate with me and the man in the back never paused long enough for me to get a word in. I texted Glenn again: “Are you coming??!!”

He responded this time: “On my way.”

But I knew his drive was thirty minutes and mine was ten. I did not want to get to the building before He got there. I felt that putting others in an uncomfortable spot was not the right thing. So I thought about the coffee again. I would drive over to Target, and go in and order coffee from the expensive coffee shop inside. That would “waste” enough time to make my arrival coincide with Glenn’s. But, oh my!…by now I had so many people that I was going to break the bank in that place.

“Cafe´?” I offered to Maria in my best Spanish accent.

“Si, “ she said.

“That means ‘yes’, Jerry explained. He knows just a little less Spanish than I do, but he loves to instruct me in the language. He was also telling me what kind of coffee and creamer he wanted and that he did not want sugar. He wanted Splenda.

I had a time asking Maria about hers, but I remembered “leche” from “dulce de leche” and finally figured it out. I had the other orders in my phone and so I hurried into the store. As soon as I placed the orders, I began dialing to give the others a heads up about the situation. Emily didn’t pick up, but, thankfully Bonny did. I told her to expect Glenn and to tell him where I was.

Then I picked up five steaming cups of coffee and carefully attempted to balance as I exited. I made it to the car and spilled just a little as I opened the door. But as I did, a sharp, stinging sensation went through the skin in my neck just under my chin and, just as quickly, the same sensation on my left shoulder. Bees were attacking me!

“Abejas! Abejas!” Maria screamed. “Abejas! Abejas!” That’s not how you want to learn Spanish nouns, let me tell you!

Meanwhile, in the back seat, Jerry was counting them, telling me they had flown away, asking for the Splenda, and if I had a trash can in the car. And my neck was turning redder and redder and the upholstery in my car was getting a hot dousing. So was sweet Maria!

When I did finally make it to the building, Glenn was moments away from phoning the police, Bonny started pulling out essential oils for the stings (What a handy girl she is!), and Emily’s boys who were doing their school work at the table opposite us were wide-eyed at the commotion that was going on in two languages! (Home schoolers never really know what the subject matter for the day may be!) Thunder claps punctuated the excitement and the rain began to come in torrents about this time. Could something good please happen about now?

This was a day…a time, that really needed redemption…