*Article first appeared in THINK magazine, Focus Press, Brentwood, TN
So we’ve all gotten busy and now it’s almost time. We’ve put the word out to as many as possible. Flyers were displayed at Horizons Camp at FHU and distributed at the Southern Evangelism Conference last weekend in Birmingham. We mailed out 120 to congregations and girls are passing them out at school and to their friends. We’ve promised free housing to out of town groups that come. We already have groups signed up from Virginia, Alabama, South Carolina, Georgia, Mississippi, Ohio and Tennessee. But in case you haven’t yet been invited, consider this your invitation. Make your reservations now. We hope to see you there!
Frankly, I couldn’t disagree more. I realize I’m old fashioned. I’m not oblivious to this fact. I still, however, believe there’s a lot to be said for chivalry—whatever is left of it. I truly believe that, deep down, every girl wants to be sought after. She wants to be chosen, pursued, and cherished as something special. At the same time, I think Brad is wrong about guys, too. I think the guys worth having are the ones who are willing to actively pursue what is worth the most to them.
Girls, do you want to have to always wonder whether he would have asked you out if you didn’t make the first move? Do you want to have to wonder whether he really liked you or whether he just acted interested because you made the first move?
As a true dating conservative, I’m not embarrassed to say that if I like a guy, he’ll never know it unless he shows obvious signs of interest. I don’t call guys, I don’t text first, and I certainly never ask them out. I know what you’re thinking—that’s why I’m single (it’s okay, I can take a hit), but in all reality, I view dating that way because if a guy isn’t wiling to take a risk and ask me himself, I’d rather not have him. I’m not that desperate. If a guy truly respects me, he won’t make me do the work. He’ll want to chase me…and deep down, every girl wants to be chased.
Speaking of chasing, I once heard a devotional by the great Lonnie Jones, who demanded that all the guys in the audience listen up, because he wanted them to hear this sentence: “Stop chasing the easy ones. Chaste girls want to be chased…and they’re the ones that are truly worth your time.”
As far as the money issue is concerned, if the guy can’t afford to pay for our dates, we’ll have Gano (university cafeteria) dates and picnics. We’ll go stargazing and watch movies under a warm blanket. We’ll take long walks and play games. But we won’t do things that cost money. The girl should never have to pay for a date. It throws our roles as male and female completely off-balance. It’s not about the money—it’s the principle of the matter.
I’m currently enrolled in Donald Shull’s King Arthur class, and in one of my readings about this time period, I ran across this description:
“Every knight in Britain who was noted for valor had clothing and arms identical in color, and the women had exquisitely matching garments. They deigned to love no man until he was three times proven in military combat. Thus, the women were made more chaste, and the knights more valiant because of their love of them.”
How much better and more appreciated would relationships be today if people had to work for them—if people set them in high esteem as something to be cherished, reverenced, and placed on a pedestal as they did back then? I realize we’re no longer living in Medieval times, but some things are simply timeless—or they should be, anyway.
With totally boogey-eyed wart-y features.
They’re lazy and they eat gross stuff,
Until their throats and bellies puff.
They don’t mind slime or mud or muck.
Sometimes, they hop in a pick-up truck!
If you grab one, you don’t have him long.
He wriggles and squiggles and slips out. He’s gone!
And you are left with slimy fingers
And a swampy smell that ‘s putrid and lingers.
And Grandma says you may get warts,
Cuz’ “that’s what happens to a toad’s cohorts.”
Maybe you’re okay with walking out on that log
Reaching in the “yuck” and grabbin’ that frog.
‘Cuz you’ve heard that tale about how you can change him…
Clean him up spic, teach him tricks, rearrange him.
You’re not worried at all. You’re a girl with good sense.
So you go ahead and kiss him and then he’s YOUR…
And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnah of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife. Then his father and his mother said unto him, Is there never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said unto his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.